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At long last, the only thing left to try now is conservatism.

As the final non-white trash reality TV show presidential candidate remaining (John Kasich's Bonfire of the Vanities doesn't count as a real campaign), the results in Wisconsin prove the Republican Party is unifying behind Ted Cruz. Which means pigs will now fly, Hell has frozen over, and George Lucas will resume making good movies.

There is hope for America, after all.

Apparently all that was needed to scare the GOP straight was Donald Trump.

Yep, that's the same Ted Cruz the GOP thought was as distasteful as moldy black licorice just a few months ago for daring -- gasp! -- to expect the party to live up to the principles in its platform. The same Ted Cruz they were joking about murdering in the U.S. Senate just a few weeks ago. The same Ted Cruz who is one of only four Republican senators that grades out as an "A" on our Liberty Scorecard.

We finally figured out what it takes to move the GOP to the Right. Because primarying establishment squishes all over the country the past few years didn't do it. Neither did repeatedly blogging our complaints. Apparently all that was needed to scare the GOP straight was Donald Trump.
 

The latest binge in our political tug of war, Trump managed to razzle-dazzle a segment of the culture that views the Kardashians as royalty. That family’s penchant for breaking the Inter-Webs with their perpetual nudity and gender bending is Trumpian to its very core. Shamelessness sells, something Trump knows all too well.

There’s a catch, though. It sells well enough to make morons rich, or for a reality show goon to hijack Walking Dead journalism for months of news cycles on end. But a competing and equally true narrative has been running side-by-side that shtick for months now, too. The overwhelming verdict of public polling is that Trump simply can’t beat Hillary Clinton, and would serve as a down ballot iceberg to the Titanic if he were at the top of the GOP ticket.  

Finally, after all these years, the Grand Old Party will kick it into Cruz Control with conservatism for the first time since Mitch McConnell received his first earmark.

And if there's anything you can rely on to motivate even the most feckless of politicians, it's their own survival instinct. Hence, Cruz goes from dreaded conservative purist to the girl with the curl just like that. Without moderating on a single issue, Cruz remains the same hard-core right-winger -- God bless 'em -- he's always been. However, unlike most of his fellow right-wingers, he assembled a professional campaign and message that allowed him to last long enough to be the last semi-sane option standing.

It turns out if you are the last man on earth she actually will go out with you.

As I said earlier this week in Conservative Review, the very descent into the mouth of madness which allowed Trump to amass a solid base of somewhere between 30 and 40 percent, is what now prevents him from growing beyond that. Thus, Trump has become a human Geiger Counter, whose radioactivity is too much shamelessness for even the Republican Party to bear. So, finally, after all these years, the Grand Old Party will kick it into Cruz Control with conservatism for the first time since Mitch McConnell received his first earmark.

Good times.

Every bit of compromise and calculation that was meant to appear "pragmatic" for the purposes of winning elections has been an undeniable and abject failure – at winning elections and everything else. Too many of the guys we elected literally aided and abetted the Left's takedown of America. Either by surrendering to it, or failing to offer the country a substantive alternative. Give Trump, the ultimate con man, credit for exposing this inferior GOP establishment con once and for all.

Yet we are now cornered, and there are no back doors at the Trump-Cult Alamo. The only way out is through Conservatism, and its steadfast champion is Ted Cruz. Sure, it may look like a shotgun wedding with a GOP that for years treated us like Joan Crawford’s wire hangers. But they say necessity is the mother of invention so might as well lie back and enjoy it.

Besides, if nothing else, we can at least take some satisfaction in the knowledge this time they're the ones who get to plug their noses and vote.

Steve Deace

Steve Deace airs each weeknight from 9 p.m. - Midnight on the Salem Radio Network, and is also the author of the book A Nefarious Plot. He has endorsed Ted Cruz for president.

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