A 'genderless voice' is as easy to create as a unicorn

Who needs Siri or Alexa when you have the crazy voices inside your head to guide you?

And super-smart crazy voices at that. Like one gal working for an “ethics” and emerging sciences group at California State Polytechnic University who is advising an effort to bring the first gender-neutral artificial intelligence voice to the cosmos.

Because it’s bad to order women’s voices to respond to your every whim. Duh. "There is no reason that a voice has to be gendered," said the smart chick. "Emerging technology is being designed to rely on these ancient stereotypes."

Except that the science that is actually in the story reporting on this nonsense, called the “Q voice,” actually says otherwise.

Like the research that male voices are usually within a range of 85 to 180 hertz (Hz) and women's are typically between 140 to 255 Hz. Meaning the reason voices are gendered is because men and women are obviously and definitively not the same. Meaning it’s not an ancient stereotype, but an ancient truth these cutting-edge fools are trying to destroy.

But whatevs. Instead of caring about solid food like that, the team of geniuses working on Q grabbed 22 “transgender and non-binary” people as a basis for the voice, just like God intended. And then get this. Because even that still wasn’t woke enough on the gender-bending scale, the final recording for Q had to be digitally manipulated to make it as unidentifiable as human as possible.

"It isn't easy to create a genderless voice," said a sound designer working on the project.

Indeed, it isn't, and for the same reason that it isn't easy to create unicorns. Because neither are real, dumbasses. So there’s that. But how’s your unicorn garden growing now that we have firmly arrived in Crazytown?

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Don’t believe me, though, about how many really smart people believe at a cultish level in the utterly impossible? Then how about considering the testimony of Jamie Shupe, a man who once thought he was a woman:

In January 2019, unable to advance the fraud for another single day, I reclaimed my male birth sex. The weight of the lie on my conscience was heavier than the value of the fame I’d gained from participating in this elaborate swindle. Two fake gender identities couldn’t hide the truth of my biological reality. There is no third gender or third sex. Like me, intersex people are either male or female. Their condition is the result of a disorder of sexual development, and they need help and compassion. I played my part in pushing forward this grand illusion. I’m not the victim here. My wife, daughter, and the American taxpayers are—they are the real victims.

So are we going to accept his new truth, too? Nah. His story is going to be buried fast and deep by those for whom truth is an inconvenient impediment to the voices inside their heads telling them their feelings need not care about the facts.

They love those voices. They worship them. But not always, it would seem.

Are we really going to live the grand progressive truths out to their fullest in our own lives, or aren’t we? Why can’t the great know-it-alls among us be woke enough to simply hear Alexa’s voice and not automatically assume her gender? Why don’t they allow for the possibility that the disembodied techno voice identifies as a he instead of a she? Who are they to judge? Aren't they the ones who are just a bunch of bigots?

It’s high time, I say, we start letting Siri and Alexa have their own “born that way” moment and stop trying to change them to fit our narrow worldview!

Good. Glad we solved that problem. Now I’m hungry from all that work. Vagina cupcakes, anyone?