LED astray: Yes, those harsh lights are the spawn of Satan



If you are reading this, you should not be.

Because you are reading this on LED light. This is an abbreviation for Luciferian emission devices.

Knowing this, then ... so what? Sew buttons on your underwear. This is what my mother would tell me. She is wonderful. Is your mother wonderful? Do you love her? Do you honor her?

Do you do her honor when you are on your iPhone? Or have you forsaken your mother in favor of an image of yourself curated by an algorithm?

This is why everyone who stays online for long enough goes insane, one way or another.

Surely, you know that this is being done to you every time you look at an LED device. But are you in control of your device? Or is your device in control of you? Either way — how would you know? You could know if you noticed. But noticing is hard. Have you, for example, ever noticed how hideous LED lights are? The harsh, bright white light. It is unnatural.

Here’s a trick question: When is the last time you did drugs? Here’s the trick: You are doing a drug right now.

A drug, according to one Joe Rogan podcast guest — or rather, a guest who was quoting a cynical but realistic professor of medicine — is a substance that when put into your body produces a measurable effect.

Light, then, is a drug.

Light comes not only into your eyes, but also bathes your skin. Sunbathing is fun. Have you ever bathed naked in a white room of LED light? It would be less fun and is not recommended. And yet, as doctors know, tanning salons can be healthy. It is all a question of Vitamin D. This is a hormone, actually, produced mostly endogenously — although it can be taken orally.

If you watch a sunset on a beach, you will sleep well that night. This is science. And you believe in science, do you not — anon?

If you believe in science, you should know that being in an LED-lit room and then just turning off the light, bathing your face in an LED-lit machine glow, reading articles, and looking at images will not help you sleep.

And if you believe in science, you should know that sleeping well is good, actually. So then why — pray tell — were incandescent lights banned by Obama? For the environment? Did anyone actually believe that?

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Photo by Luke Hales / Contributor via Getty Images

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he wasn’t there — it has been said.

Obama was the first president to tweet. His reign lasted eight years. Then the world caught on fire. The fire was orange. Everyone got deranged. Well, not everyone. But everyone who hated the color orange so much that their entire lives became consumed by a pathetic fiery pathos, summarized in three words: Orange Man Bad.

But Heraclitus said that the world is fire. And only fire.

Earth? Wind? Water? You do not feel these elements when you are inside, bathed in LED light. You do not feel these elements when you are outside, staring at your iPhone. Or Samsung. What are you, an Android? If so, do you even dream of electric sheep?

Every time you submit to the LED-lit algorithm, you trigger yourself. This is true. Because the algorithm is designed to trigger you. This is how the “apps” make money off of you. This is why everyone who stays online for long enough goes insane, one way or another. And usually in a bad way if they don’t log off and love someone or something real.

What does Hillary Clinton really love? Her adulterous husband? Her email server? The United States of America? At this point, what difference would it make?

She wrote her college thesis on a man who wrote a book that started with an epigraph honoring Lucifer in his own words. That man’s name was Saul Alinsky. She deeply disappointed him. He was right. She proved him right by being the biggest loser in American politics of the past half-century.

But her emails! Her emails were not good for her. She would have been better off if she stuck with incandescent light bulbs. But the world did not stay that way. She was defeated by a half-black man, who was cooler than she was because he mastered the LED light show. And then she was defeated by an Orange Man, so that you could log off and go outside and enjoy being in America once again.

Throw away your LED lights. Buy incandescent. It is more like fire and less Satanic.

How our tech made medieval fairy tales real



I used to play with childish things. Planes, trains, automobiles. Books. Baseballs.

Friends.

But when I went to college, the iPhone came out.

And then I set aside childish things for a book of faces. And it was very bad, actually.

So I struggled. It was my struggle. And I won by losing. Or I lost by winning. It was happening. But nothing ever happened. The eternal yin and yang of postmodern adulthood, no?

Unlock your inner child. It is not within your phone. It is within you.

But I do remember the warnings. And the signs. When I was a child, I was told that I should not drink alcohol. Not as an absolute statement. A child can have a sip of wine, surely. It gladdens the heart, no?

However, I was told something true. If a boy — or a girl — starts drinking and makes a habit of it … then he or she shall never mature. He shall be frozen at the age he becomes addicted to a drug forever.

Step on a crack … break your mother’s back. Don’t smoke crack, kids.

Have you given your child crack to smoke? Or worse? Probably, you have. You just haven’t realized it. This is very bad, actually. iPhones are vectors for horrific evil. Have you looked at the back? There is a bitten apple.

Steve Jobs was a bit of a snake. An Eastern mystic. Do you generally trust Eastern mystics offering you bitten apples?

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Photo by Irfan Khan / Contributor via Getty Images

Are you east or west of Eden right now? You cannot go back into it. This is eternally true until the end of all time.

But has it ever alarmed you that Facebook wanted to make the internet into a “walled garden” — and then the place got overrun by Boomers and became cringe and then everyone yelled at everyone and then everything turned to garbage?

The other day on the internet — did you see it, anon? — the social scientists have documented something that anyone with eyes to see has already seen: The next generation is totally screwed.

This is not the first time. It will probably not be the last.

But it is the first time it has happened exactly like this. Right? Has to be … right?

What’s the saddest thing you’ve ever seen, friend? For me, it’s a family of fat people out at dinner. None of them looking at each other as they wait for food. All of them on their respective tablet devices.

What’s the saddest thing you’ve ever heard, anon? For me, it was a mother talking about how brilliant her 2-year-old was because he could figure out how to navigate a tablet device.

What’s the saddest thing you’ve ever endured, anon? For me, it was watching America lock children in cages. Not on the border, but in their own homes, because the left-wing lunatic satanists decided they could get power by closing the schools and keeping them closed and the old ate the young again. Like Medea, but for our whole country.

The Zoomers, man. Poor kids. Raised in an entirely artificial world. Raised by worse than wolves. Raised by phones.

Taught not about the birds and the bees. Exposed to internet porn at … probably … 9 years old.

They have seen it all. But they have not lived.

No wonder, then, that they could have been made — by witches — to believe the most outlandish lies.

Have you ever seen a witch? I have, maybe. One, for example, is Randi Weingarten. She is the head of the American Federation of Teachers.

She — allegedly, but to anyone with eyes to see quite obviously — pushed to keep schools closed. And then promoted and defended porn in school libraries. And many other terrible and evil things besides.

In "Monty Python," a befuddled wise man makes a decision regarding how to deal with a witch.

Have you ever drunk from the Holy Grail? Do you want the key to eternal youth?

Have you raised a Zoomer? Do you want your kids to be all right? It is terribly hard. It is trivially easy. First step: Find your inner child. Do something you enjoyed doing as a child. And enjoy it like you were a child. Without an iPhone. Without Wi-Fi. Without any device … or artifice.

Unlock your inner child. It is not within your phone. It is within you. It is deep within you. You shall be at peace. You shall not be harmed. Of course, you shall die. Later. But it is better to have lived first.

Magellan is cooler than Justin Bieber. But Bieber is getting cooler. Now that Diddy is in jail, he could become more free.

So, too, with all children of men. So, too, with even the Zoomers.

Log off. Touch grass. Yes, it is toxic if you live in a suburb. But you have to Roundup somewhere. Fare well.

The squirrels use wireless comms too. Can you hear them now?



Harold Bloom once told me that the squirrels outside his house were taunting him. He was old and wise, and therefore I believed him — even if it seemed crazy at the time.

Or did I believe him? I certainly remembered that he said that. And 15 years later, I learned why he was right.

Do you have any Bluetooth-enabled devices? Have you ever noticed that sometimes these devices don’t work when you most want them to? Or that they seem to fritz out at the most inconvenient possible times?

Is this really a tech problem … or is this a you problem?

Do you know exactly how Bluetooth works?

Of course you don’t — you just know when it doesn’t.

Maybe it causes cancer. Maybe it causes autism. Science couldn’t tell you.

You probably know it’s, like, a frequency issue. There are little wavelengths of something — electric, fundamentally. These wavelengths can connect your ear device to your handphone device. But sometimes it doesn’t work.

Sometimes it’s where you are, maybe. Sometimes the battery might be low. Sometimes there’s a wiring issue. You never really know.

You also never really know with the squirrels. Has a squirrel ever yelled at you?

You and the squirrel are also connected by some form of wavelength transmission communication. This is partly physical. Auditory. Visual. Probably electrical, somehow. But also you don’t know how a squirrel processes the world. Just like you can’t really imagine how a bat echo-locates or how a bee can look at another bee dancing and then fly to the exact flower patch.

Therefore, you and the squirrel are connected by organic Bluetooth.

If you really disturb it, it might yell at you. Or if it’s already yelling about something, and you get frustrated by it, it might continue to yell about something. Maybe it was originally yelling about something else. But if you tune in and get frustrated, the squirrel might get louder. Maybe it is yelling at you. Maybe it is kindly asking you to chill out. To touch grass. Maybe it’s requesting that you return to attending to whatever nut you were trying to bury or unearth.

Once I went not to the sacred store, but to a sacred lake. The squirrels there … they seemed to know. If you were at peace, then they were at peace. If you were not respecting their environment, they would kind of yell at you.

This is a Bluetooth connection. So to speak.

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Photo by Richard Baker/Getty Images

Of course, you are not — exactly — a Bluetooth-enabled device. But both you and the squirrel are alive, and if you are near it, maybe you are communicating with it along a frequency that you don’t even understand.

These things are obvious. But also unsettling. Because you don’t know what Bluetooth is doing to you. It’s not a “gamma ray” ... or maybe it is. Maybe it causes cancer. Maybe it causes autism. Science couldn’t tell you. The other week, the Lancet denied that there is a sex binary.

Social desirability bias is a hell of a drug. Give it to a Harvard professor and to scientists who publish in academic journals, and they’ll promote the mass sterilization of children because that’s the latest thing that the academics have bought in to.

That makes a lot less sense than trying to peacefully communicate with a squirrel.

Therefore, Harvard professors are far less functionally sensible than little boys with BB guns. At least a little boy with a BB gun might use it to defend the screen window against a squirrel that has realized there is food to be had in his mother’s home.

This is a far more natural thing to do for a man than to use many words to try to push a false doctrine that defies all biology and common sense in order to join an enterprise dedicated to mutilating the children of men.

Harold Bloom was a Yale professor. He had read many books. He loved the books he read. Deeply. His mind was probably in the clouds when he went outside in the morning for a walk or for a newspaper.

Perhaps the squirrels sensed it. Maybe it gave them a headache. Maybe they complained. Or maybe they were trying to be as gentle as they could without speech to try to tell him to chill, go back inside, have his coffee, and read more.

I do not know.

But have you ever controlled someone else’s Bluetooth device with your mind? Maybe your mind disrupted the Bluetooth frequency, and that’s why it stopped working when you wanted it to and why it worked even less well when you got frustrated.

You would never know. Squirrels make more sense than Bluetooth, which may be carcinogenic. Squirrels may make annoying noises, but at least they don’t give you cancer.