Researching dating apps as a married geezer is kind of like playing with a flight simulator. It’s fun to pretend, but I’m glad nobody’s life is on the line. It’s all completely new to me, as I met my wife the old-fashioned way. Turns out I was ahead of my time. Online dating’s traditional 18-to-29 demographic is getting sick of all the infinite choice, annoying gamification, and casual connections. Increasingly they’re turning to the real world to find love.

Good luck out there, guys. As for me, been there, done that. It’s time for me to understand what my 30- to 49-year-old peers are getting up to: They now account for roughly 61% of all dating app users. So after explaining to my wife why I had Tinder on my phone, I uploaded myself into the mating matrix.

Using Tinder in 2024? Not since I heard a teenager call the White Stripes “old school” have I felt so behind the times. Since launching in 2012, Tinder has swarmed the social landscape, boasting a purported 55 billion matches and impacting culture in unforeseen ways, from the cultivation of slang to the human recyclability of swipe-left, swipe-right interactions.

But with time, it’s become as overexposed as its users often feel. Hypercommunication gets exhausting. Hypervisibility becomes degrading. The virtual world smooths into the real world until the juts and edges and flaws are gone.

In an era of growing detachment, the appeal of slot-machine hook-ups has dimmed. Increasingly, people desire a more customized itinerary for their dating journey. Here’s what I found.

The Right Stuff

I don’t care what anyone says. When it comes to dating, very few people are truly bi. Bipartisan, that is. Conservatives have it especially rough. You and that cute Pilates instructor may have bonded over your shared love of mid-century Czech animation, but mention that you go to church and next thing you know you’ve made the Southern Poverty Law Center’s “Ten Most Eligible Fascists” list. Dating is hard enough; why not start with people you know share your values? That’s the premise behind the Right Stuff, an invite-only app backed by Libertarian venture capitalist Peter Thiel and former Trump aide John McEntee. If you’re looking to "connect with people who aren't offended by everything” and "view profiles without pronouns,” this could be the right place for you.

Cuffed

Do you feel as if you constantly have a hundred different browser tabs open in your brain? Cuffed Dating’s minimalistic approach and sleek interface might be just what you need. It offers a calmer, slower pace by only showing you one potential match at a time. The members-only platform provides a vetting process that eliminates the clutter and shadiness of gargantuan apps. As with the Right Stuff, the emphasis here is on shared values as the foundation of strong relationships. Here, however, the parameters are not explicitly political.

Swan

Swan bills itself as “dating for humans” – good to know they’ve weeded out the cyborgs and the replicants. Like Cuffed, Swan strives to offer a more organic experience. But instead of a one-at-a-time matching process, it provides one date each month — one perfect date, is the promise. They company will even find you a good place to meet. This is done by combining a proprietary algorithm with human intervention. Help from these hard-working Cupids might be the ticket to eliminate dating fatigue.

Keeper

For a decidedly maximalist approach, there’s Keeper, which equips the user with shiny tools such as its Dating Calculator. It also offers snappy advice in the form of the “Keeper Dating Coach,” a generative AI chatbot that describes itself as “your steadfast guide through the labyrinth of love and relationships,” whose “essence is rooted in the wisdom of evolutionary psychology.” “How does a person find love?” I asked. Its response began, “Finding love, in my experience, is less about a formula and more about a courageous journey of self-discovery.” Keeper prepares you for this journey with thoroughness and proficiency, applying Big Five personality testing and IQ screening to AI-guided analysis. As for the destination, Keeper is refreshingly matrimony-minded, with a blog featuring articles like “The Importance of Marriage, for You and Society.”