Trying to explain Buc-ee's to someone who has never visited a Buc-ee's is like trying to explain to a fish what it's like to fly a helicopter: It's difficult to even know where to begin because you know that the person you're talking to has no frame of reference for such a thing even existing.

The problem, though, is that the fish thinks it knows what's going on, because occasionally it jumps a couple of feet out of the water. All you can do is shake your head sadly and say, "No. I mean, I get that you think you understand, but you don't. Maybe one day you'll be able to do it for yourself, and only then will you understand."

In the same way, when you talk to someone from the benighted areas of the country that do not yet have Buc-ee's, they think they know. After all, do they not have gas stations? Are there not Wawas or Sheetz where they live, and are they not basically the same thing?

And the cleanliness. My God, the cleanliness.

The problem, to paraphrase Jules Winnfield, is that Wawa, Sheetz, and every other gas station on the planet are not in the same ballpark as Buc-ee's. Forget being in the same ballpark; they aren't in the same league or even the same sport. Saying that Buc-ee's is a gas station is a bit like saying that Disney World is a children's park. It's technically accurate, but the picture someone gets in his mind when you say "children's park" likely does not include the possibility that what you are discussing is anything remotely as as ostentatious or grandiose as Disney World.

In the same way, the first time you enter a Buc-ee's, you are frankly not prepared to encounter what you will find inside, because the term "gas station" simply does not encompass the palatial environs of the average Buc-ee's.

The first thing that will likely floor you upon entering a Buc-ee's is the size. Somehow, although Buc-ee's looks like a normal-sized truck stop on the outside, when you walk inside, it's like walking through a door into Mary Poppins' carpetbag. Even a modest Buc-ee's is larger inside than, say, most Kroger stores.

The second thing you'll notice is that this is definitely, far and away, cleaner than any gas station you've ever visited in your life. Every surface inside virtually sparkles. All of the wonderful items for sale (more on that later) are carefully arranged and appropriately placed on the proper rack. And if, like most people, your first stop inside is the restroom, you are in for an even bigger surprise.

The bathrooms at Buc-ee's are so amazing that they have their own cult following. The bathrooms at Buc-ee's do not have stalls. Each toilet has its own honest-to-goodness door. To save you the inconvenience of having to even jiggle a door handle to see if it's locked, each toilet room has a light above it that is red if the room is occupied and green if it is unoccupied. The sinks often will have dividers to provide you with privacy even while washing your hands.

And the cleanliness. My God, the cleanliness.

And we haven't even discussed the infamous Beaver Nuggets, which answer the important question: What if Corn Pops had, like, waaaaay more sugar and then were coated in some sugar for good measure?

Every Buc-ee's store has, on a 24/7 basis, a person whose entire job is to do nothing but clean the bathroom continually, and it shows. You'll see them in there, working diligently, with nary a complaint or a frown about having to spend their day cleaning up after the excretions of others. Thanks to their efforts, never will you find a soap dispenser that's even close to being empty or a paper towel dispenser that is either empty or jammed up with poor-quality rubbish.

I can say with some degree of confidence that Louis XIV did not defecate in settings as opulent as the average customer of Buc-ee's in 2024.

And we haven't even begun to discuss the actual products you can find for sale inside a Buc-ee's. While most of corporate America has been shamed into making at least a substantial portion of food options "healthy," the comestibles on offer at Buc-ee's are a gleeful, delicious, and uninterrupted on-ramp to type 2 diabetes. Most of them are proprietary to Buc-ee's and are things you will find literally nowhere else on the planet.

Have you ever been curious about what peanut brittle tastes like infused with jalapenos? Don't worry, Buc-ee's has you covered. N.B.: Your humble correspondent is of the not-so-humble opinion that it is the most delicious of the many delicious things you can find at Buc-ee's. Gummy bears covered in chamoy? Why the heck not, Buc-ee's has that too. I tried this bizarre concoction as well and am compelled to report that it is also pretty darn good. And we haven't even discussed the infamous Beaver Nuggets, which answer the important question: What if Corn Pops had, like, waaaaay more sugar and then were coated in some sugar for good measure?

In addition to several rows of these proprietary pre-packaged foods, every Buc-ee's also offers a substantial amount of freshly prepared food. As you may have guessed, Buc-ee's does not offer the same sad trays of microwave sandwiches and burgers, prepared fresh once every four hours and then left to slow-roast for an indeterminate amount of time under a heat lamp. The fare on offer is delicious, fresh, prepared continually. If you spend half an hour in Buc-ee's (I am personally incapable of escaping a Buc-ee's in less than 45 minutes, so be warned), you will hear multiple cries of "FRESH BRISKET ON THE BOAAAAAAAARD," which is a call that should not be ignored by anyone who likes beef, or barbecue, or things that taste amazing.

It's like every person there is in a contest with the drive-thru employees at your local Chick-fil-A to see who can be the most relentlessly cheerful and helpful person in town.

But perhaps the most amazing thing about entering a Buc-ee's is that when you do, you feel like you're a part of something. Last weekend, I stopped at a Buc-ee's in Sevierville, Tennessee, and there were easily over 200 people inside the store. I saw not a single unhappy face, which is not what you expect while surveying the faces of the average crowd you find inside a gas station.

A huge number of the customers will be happily browsing the Buc-ee's merch line, looking for the best way to show their support for the brand. I was able to get a good look at many of these people as I was buying a shirt and hat for my kids and a beaver bobblehead for myself.

It begins with the employees. I have never encountered a single Buc-ee's employee who did not give off the honest impression that he was thrilled to be at work. It's like every person there is in a contest with the drive-thru employees at your local Chick-fil-A to see who can be the most relentlessly cheerful and helpful person in town. In a world where many service industries are struggling to find good employees, Buc-ee's still adheres to an old-school rule forbidding visible tattoos and face piercings.

They can do this and still attract younger employees because, by all accounts, they treat their employees better, paying above market rates and offering benefits not usually available for gas station employees.

And in a world where seemingly every other cutting-edge company is in a competition for who can smack the customers over the head with liberal politics, Buc-ee's is a blissfully politics-free zone. Buc-ee's CEO and principal owner Arch "Beaver" Aplin appears to be a major donor to Republicans in Texas in particular. But you'll find nothing inside a Buc-ee's that leans either way. The sole focus is on providing a gas station experience that is better than people even imagined was possible.

By all accounts, Buc-ee's is succeeding wildly, which is why the company is expanding at a breakneck pace. If you are unfortunate enough to live in an area of the country that does not have one, that is likely to change soon. And when that happens, you'll do yourself a disservice if you don't at least stop in and see the spectacle. Just be sure to have your insulin handy and budget at least an hour for your first experience. You won't want to leave even then, but at least you'll have given yourself a chance to properly ogle a truly amazing sight: a gas station that makes you truly happy to be there.