The Onion, a Chicago-based liberal satire publication that was recently purchased by longtime Democratic donor Jeff Lawson, attempted to acquire the assets of Alex Jones' Infowars empire last month in a court-ordered bankruptcy auction. Gun-grab activists and other leftists celebrated the news that the Onion had supposedly won the auction with an apparently suboptimal bid. Ben Collins, the CEO of the Onion's parent company Global Tetrahedron, promised he would turn the platform into a "cosmic joke."

Collins' punitive plans were tripped up by the Houston bankruptcy judge involved the case, district Judge Christopher Lopez, who paused the acquisition and reportedly said, "No one should feel comfortable with the results of this auction."

After weeks of uncertainty about the fate of the sale, Lopez rejected the Onion's bid Tuesday evening, ruling the auction process unfair and noting that money was left on the table.

Lopez said that Christopher Murray, the court-appointed trustee who is liquidating Jones' estate, failed both to run a transparent auction process and to provide a rival bidder associated with Jones, First United American Companies, an opportunity to improve its bid, reported NBC News.

'It clearly was and must have been the subject of conspiratorial negotiation and agreement.'

"I think you've got to go out and try to get every dollar," said the judge. "I think that the process fell down."

According to the Washington Post, FUAC's $3.5 million bid was nearly double the Onion's supposedly winning cash bid. FUAC, an organization affiliated with Jones' supplements business, argued in court that its higher bid should have prevailed and that Murray improperly picked the Onion's bid.

Lawyers for FUAC and Jones raised concerns about fraud and collusion, questioning how auctioneer Jeff Tanenbaum valued the Onion's $1.75 million cash and incentives bid at $7 million and why a live action had been spiked.

They also complained about a gross lack of transparency, claiming, for instance, that "no announcement was ever made that joint bids, bifurcated bids, floating amounts or other form of non-final 'best and highest' bid structures was even in the contemplation of the Trustee and the Defendants, which it clearly was and must have been the subject of conspiratorial negotiation and agreement."

Jones raised some of these concerns with Blaze Media co-founder Glenn Beck last month, alleging that the initial sale of Infowars was "100% cut-and-dry illegal."

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Lopez reportedly said when delivering his decision, "I don't think anyone acted in bad faith here. I think everyone was trying to buy an asset and put their best foot forward and play by the rules."

'It's like being held under water and finally getting air.'

"It seemed doomed almost from the moment they decided to go to a sealed bid," said Lopez, reported the New York Times. "Nobody knows what anybody else is bidding."

According to Bloomberg, the decision means Jones could remain in control of the platform.

In a statement shared by Collins on X, the Onion, which previously mocked the death of Corey Comperatore, noted, "We are deeply disappointed in today's decision, but The Onion will continue to seek a resolution that helps the Sandy Hook families receive a positive outcome for the horror they endured. We will also continue to seek a path towards purchasing InfoWars in the coming weeks."

Chris Mattei, an attorney for the families who backed the Onion's bid, said in a statement obtained by the Post, "This decision doesn't change the fact that, soon, Alex Jones will begin to pay his debt to these families and he will continue doing so for as long as it takes."

Jones rushed to broadcast the news on a platform still out of Collins' reach, stating, "Finally, a judge followed the law in the lawfare fiascos and ruled in Infowars' favor."

"It's like being held under water and finally getting air," added Jones.

'They're trying to destroy us and destroy free speech.'

Jones also suggested that the coalition involved with the Onion's bid colluded to rig their bid and that there was cause for legal action and possibly a Department Justice investigation.

"Now, the judge told them 27 days ago Bloomberg's Everytown that turned out is the group behind it — the Onion's, their front group — he told them they didn't own it and he said, 'Stop saying that.' They did not stop. Major cause of action." said Jones. "And I'm not a litigious person, but they're trying to destroy us and destroy free speech, so you know what's going to happen to them and Michael Bloomberg, Mr. Baby Feet."

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