LOL: 'Biden adviser' shares NEW plan to save Joe’s dying campaign
President Biden’s campaign suffered a massive blow after his disastrous CNN Presidential Debate performance — and now one of his “advisers” has a new attack plan.
While this “adviser” isn’t really an adviser, his idea as to how Biden can secure the 2024 presidential election is absolutely golden.
“I’ve been working in campaigns like this for quite some time,” the “adviser” whose stage name is Wilfred tells Glenn while wheezing. “I watched the debate on the television set.”
Wilfred calls the debate a “catastrophe” and says it reminded him of when he “tried to make a move on Ethel at the prom.”
“She seemed to be into it, but she had so many layers of pantaloons, and I was unable to get to the conclusion of the evening, and the sun came up, I was still trying to remove layers,” Wilfred says as Glenn laughs.
“All right, so Wilfred, we’re really looking towards the future here on whether he is going to drop out from the campaign, or I mean, what has been decided?” Glenn asks the “adviser.”
“The first thing that was decided was that his entire campaign would now be sponsored by Prevagen,” Wilfred explains. “Really if we fill him up to make his internal digestive systems approximately 80% Prevagen, we believe multiple sentences will come out really together.”
The idea itself is bulletproof, but that’s not all Wilfred has up his sleeve.
“He also beat Medicare,” he tells Glenn proudly, though he has one concern.
“I’m concerned that Joe Biden may come off as too youthful for the American people. I don’t know if you’ve noticed lately, but the American people love old candidates. They don’t want people who are coherent,” he explains.
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Trump CHALLENGES Biden to a $1M golf match and a no-moderator debate
If there’s one thing certain about former President Donald Trump, it’s that he knows how to electrify a crowd — especially a big one.
His latest rally in Miami was no exception, where Trump challenged President Joe Biden to some high-stakes events before a crowd of 45,000.
“So, tonight, I’m officially offering Joe the chance to redeem himself in front of the entire world,” Trump boomed into the microphone. “Let’s do another debate this week so that Sleepy Joe Biden can prove to everyone all over the world that he has what it takes to be president.”
However, Trump’s offer to debate is a little different from the last one hosted by CNN.
“This time it will be man to man, no moderators, no holds barred. Just name the place. Any time, anywhere,” he said.
“And in the debate, sleepy Joe declared that he wanted to test his skills and stamina against mine on the golf course. Can you believe this? Can you believe this? Did you ever see him swing? He’s like this,” Trump continued before taking a moment to act out a golf swing that can only be described as lethargic.
“I’m officially challenging Crooked Joe to an 18-hole golf match right here,” Trump said to thunderous applause. “At Doral’s Blue Monster, considered one of the greatest tournament golf courses anywhere in the world.”
He went on to say it would be “among the most watched sporting events in history,” before adding, “maybe bigger than the Ryder Cup or even the Masters.”
“I will give Joe Biden 10 strokes a side. 10 strokes. That’s a lot. That means 20 strokes in case you don’t play golf. I will give him 10 strokes a side, and if he wins, I will give the charity of his choice, any charity that he wants, one million dollars,” he offered.
Pat Gray, Keith Malinak, and Jeffy of “Pat Gray Unleashed” are thrilled to say the least.
“I would watch every second of that,” Malinak says, before Gray wonders aloud whether anyone will ask Karine Jean-Pierre if Biden intends to take Trump up on his offer.
“If he’s called on any time this week, I guarantee you he’ll ask that question,” Malinak says, referencing Peter Doocy.
“Imagine how big that would be! Every American. It’d be 330 million viewers for that thing,” Gray adds.
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