What are Crocs?

They are shoes, kind of. But these hideous objects that remind you of some kind of toxic nuclear waste aren’t merely shoes.

They are something more. Or they represent something more.

Crocs are an abolishment of standard. A signal of the bottom rung as the standard rung. Degeneration in the form of a squishy synthetic mold littered with holes designed to let your smelly feet breathe.

Crocs are, to no small degree, a physical representation of a much larger phenomenon, a darker phenomenon. Crocs are the physical embodiment of a culture and society turning away from form and distinction and instead mutating into formless matter.

Crocs represent a society that has stopped developing and evolving and has settled into regression as its trajectory for the time being. Crocs are the quintessential example of our current cultural degeneration in the form of footwear. Crocs prove that "Idiocracy" (2006) was a documentary.

Defenders of Crocs claim that they are comfortable. I am sure they are. That’s the point. Crocs are part of the comfort worship that appears to be a core value in America 2024.

Comfort at any cost is not a sign of ascent. It’s not a sign of development. It’s not a sign of aesthetic taste, determination, or refined dignity. It’s a sign of giving up. It’s a sign of a culture that has reached an end point and decided to sit back and relax while everything crumbles. As long as we are comfortable and entertained, nothing else matters.

If, at the height of the 20th century, we saw men in suits and ties, slicked hair, and clean-shaven faces, at the (hopefully) low point of the 21st century, we see men in sweatpants, sweatshirts, and clown-like shoes.

The trajectory here is clear. It is one of descent. In the world of Crocs, man is shrinking. Man is no longer severe and capable, outward-facing and determined. He is relaxed and comfortable, well-fed and entertained, stupid and goofy. Degenerating.

If you described a pair of Crocs to your grandparents half a century ago, they would, undoubtably, laugh. If you told them that people would be wearing these in public in 50 years, they would stop laughing. They would start worrying.

What is the difference between the oxblood loafer and the neon-red Croc? Everything. One is a shoe made of natural materials. The other is some unholy synthetic creation. One is a shoe of dignity. The other is the shoe of a clown.

Crocs are, simply put, shoes for clowns. They are shoes that don’t demand to be taken seriously. They are shoes to be laughed at. They are so accepted today that it is easy to forget just how preposterous they are. It’s easy to forget how degrading degeneration can be.

There is no sexy heel in the world of Crocs. There is no woman who puts on lime-green Crocs because they make her feel beautiful. Crocs don’t make her legs look appealing or her stance alluring. There is no man who puts on a yellow pair of Crocs because they make him feel strong. They don’t make him appear serious or reveal a sense of intention in his approach to the world.

Crocs add nothing of value and only detract. Crocs exacerbate and accelerate a world of androgyny. They lessen the beauty of woman and the strength of man. Crocs play a small role in making the world a less romantically charged place.

“I look like an idiot.” That’s what your great-grandfather might say if you traveled back in time and put a pair of Crocs on his feet.

Is there any place for this phrase in 2024? Is it possible to look like an idiot? Can you really look like an idiot if everyone else looks like an idiot? Being concerned about looking like an idiot is a fear that only exists in a society that demands that you don’t. That only exists in a society with some standard and expectation.

Crocs are an abolishment of standard. A signal of the bottom rung as the standard rung. Degeneration in the form of a squishy synthetic mold littered with holes designed to let your smelly feet breathe.

The Croc makes no effort to be anything at all. It’s formless matter. It possesses no aesthetic value. It is comfort and ease. That is it. It has no history, no cultural continuity, no story. It requires (and assumes) no thinking or consideration.

There is no thought given to how it will pair with your belt or your shirt. It is not a part of a well-put-together outfit. It is a shoe for an unthinking populace with no higher value than comfort.

When "Idiocracy" was being produced, the costume department decided on Crocs for the standard footwear due to their affordability and the absurd aesthetic that suited the degraded state of society portrayed in the film.

Allegedly, the team assumed that these idiotic shoes would never become popular. They thought they were simply too stupid. Whether these details are all true is somewhat irrelevant. They were wrong in the end. Crocs did become popular.

America of 2024 is eerily similar to the scene in "Idiocracy" where Luke Wilson, wearing a sweatsuit and Crocs, wanders into a Costco the size of a small city. He is greeted by a worker who repeats over and over again: “Welcome to Costco, I love you.”

Sweatpants, sweatshirt, Crocs, and Costco. "Idiocracy" was a documentary.