5 Easy Homemade Staples I’m Bringing To The July 4 BBQ (And You Should Too)
Move over Bomb Pop, there’s a new patriotic popsicle in town!We live in a scaled-up, real-world version of the classic children’s board game “Mousetrap.” The built world is over-engineered, too interdependent, and so precarious that a slight disturbance might bring the whole thing down.
The interconnected, precarious Rube Goldberg contraption that is modern society has more than just rolling balls and baskets and levers. Our real, physical-world interdependencies include reliance on digital algorithms and computing devices that no one can intuitively understand. It’s the worst of both worlds, physical and electronic.
This is a real-world lesson in physics and mechanics that teaches universal principles that can never be altered by whim or historical vogue.
A friend’s internet service went out recently. Even though she was able to get a human staff member on the phone, that human wouldn’t talk to her to even confirm that the company recognized that she was a paying customer.
Why? Because she couldn’t log in to her email on another device and recite a “one-time code.” Remember, she was calling because she didn’t have internet access. Cell signals in rural states are often insufficient for internet use. You see the problem.
Everything is like this, but everyone is acting like this is the way things have always been. It’s not true. There is no reason to live this way. It is not a natural law. The overcomplicated world is not something that just “happened.”
This setup is a result of choices. Disconnected choices, yes. There’s no central mind that has created our society. There’s no single controlling cabal that has engineered the way we live, communicate, procure food, or any of that. There are powerful interests, legal and commercial, that influence our society more than you and I as individuals can influence it. But it’s not a conspiracy in the classic sense. It’s a result of accumulated errors. We need a reset.
1979. My family slipped away from Tully, New York, in the dead of night by means of my grandmother’s silver Buick Electra. The Buick told you that she had a V-8 through the distinctive muffled bass rumble from twin tailpipes. She was what I call an “honest mechanical.”
We boarded the Amtrak to cross the country so my stepfather, a glassblower who specialized in making electrodes, could find a job. There was nothing left for a working-class man in Upstate New York in the 1970s.
On arrival in Los Angeles, my Uncle Lee and Aunt Sherry were waiting in a 1979 lemon-yellow Cadillac Coupe de Ville. A Cadillac. I was going to ride in a Cadillac!
The trunk mechanism on my Uncle Lee’s Cadillac was my first introduction to what I would later think of as overcomplicated or dishonest mechanicals. It did this amazing thing I had never seen before. The trunk lid raised and lowered all by itself, untouched by human hands. After my mother loaded the last suitcase into the cavernous trunk, the enormous yellow deck lid silently, slowly crept downward. When the lid reached the latch, the mechanism slowed down to a crawl to give you a “soft and silent” latch.
Today, my base-model Toyota has all those bells and whistles plus more. The “more” is the irritating part. Nothing in the car is controlled mechanically or directly. Everything is drive-by-wire. The car decides when to spin the wheels when stuck in snow, even though I could do a better job if I were allowed to control the traction. Even the heater fan and lights are programmed to slowly, softly ramp up and ramp down, as if a too-sudden onset of sound or light would strike the driver with apoplexy.
The legend of John Henry both horrified and fascinated me as a child. The steel-driving man of folklore tried to prove he was as good as the new-fangled steam drill at chipping out a tunnel to lay track. John Henry swung his sledgehammer until his muscle fibers broke and he died exhausted on the ground, while the steam piston kept reciprocating.
I understood that this tale from America's railroad age was really about our present. It was obvious to me even as a kid in the 80s: Machines were crowding out the men. The mechanization of work inverted our values; humans had to live up to the demands and preferences of machine logic, not the other way around.
John Henry’s last act was a way of saying, “I am a man, and I live.”
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Honest mechanicals are machines that can be observed, understood, and intuited. They show their works; nothing is hidden from the hands or the eyes. Compare honest mechanicals to modern digital devices. Call those devices “black boxes” whose function cannot be observed, understood, intuited, or reverse-engineered by human senses alone.
Black boxes (computers of various sorts) are not mechanicals at all. They don’t have levers or pulleys or counterweights, or sprockets, or escapements. They have invisible states of magnetic orientation. You cannot see the works with your eyes, and the complexity of a chipset is beyond the human mind’s ability to grasp.
A piece of photographic film with a light-sensitive emulsion that forms an image is an honest mechanical. The image is readable by the human eye.
A .jpg picture file is a black box. The image cannot be read or intuited by humans without another black box we call a computer.
A steam locomotive is an honest mechanical. Observe that you can understand how the machine turns heat into steam, turns steam pressure into lateral force, and then translates lateral force into rotary motion, thus moving the train and its passengers along.
You can intuit an honest mechanical. And if you have children, especially boys, I recommend that you introduce them to honest mechanicals. Show them how steam engines work. Show them a cutaway of an internal-combustion automobile engine. Let them take apart a blender or a stand mixer to see how electric motors produce rotary motion.
Here’s an easy hands-on lesson you can and should do with your kids, starting at about age 4. It doesn’t matter that the lesson uses “obsolete” technology. That is a benefit. This is a real-world lesson in physics and mechanics that teaches universal principles that can never be altered by whim or historical vogue.
Materials:
Instructions:
Form the construction paper into a cone and tape together. Tape the sewing needle securely to the small end of the cone. Think of an old gramophone with a needle attached to a brass horn — that’s what you’re doing.
Put the pencil inside the center hole of the record. Spin the record like a toy top, and help your kid lower the needle-in-a-cone onto the guide groove at the edge of the record.
Magically, you’ll hear the sound on the record, slightly amplified by the paper cone. Sure, it’ll be at the wrong speed, and maybe you won’t be able to parse the words. But you and your kid will immediately understand basic sound recording and reproduction. You will understand that sound can be transcribed as a wave form that can take real-world, physical form in the bumps and pits of a piece of material.
Most importantly, your child will understand that the material world actually exists and that it is analog.
This matters. It matters more than you probably know. Modern young people have grown up in a world of portable computers and phone screens that appear to show them reality, but that do nothing but arrange points of light into virtual simulations. Have you noticed that young Millennials and younger seem not only put off and frightened by simple mechanical technology — mechanical telephones, cars that use a clutch and a gear shift — but almost disgusted and embarrassed by devices from just a generation ago?
This is not merely the universal plaint of the old about the shortcomings of the young. The world today is different to an extreme degree from the world of just one or two generations ago. Young people don’t know how to get around town without GPS, they’re frightened to get driver’s licenses at 16, and few can even whip up a basic meal on a stovetop. Why would they know these things when they’ve been reared to believe that food and transportation just “happen” by sliding your fingers along an iPhone touchscreen?
Do what you can to ground yourself (first) and your kids and grandkids back inside the real, physical, material, analog world. Remember what John Henry knew: We are men and women, and we live.
City people moving to the country: This one’s for you. Country people, you know all this and a lot more already, so be sure to correct anything I get wrong with a comment; thank you in advance.
After spending all of my life living in cities and towns, I’ve got two winters of rural living under my belt. My house in Vermont is only a few miles outside the capital (itself a mere village of 8,000), so it’s situated conveniently for supply runs. But I live past where the pavement turns to dirt and the water, sewer, and natural gas lines end.
What to do for light? Kerosene lamps. No, not candles. No, not rechargeable LED lights. No, not battery-powered flashlights. Kerosene lamps.
It’s not “off grid,” but the situation shares some of the same features, and you need to attend to some of the same preparation.
Being prepared is especially important in winter, but it will help in summer, too.
The philosophy to keep in mind: Preparing should aim for low tech, not high tech. Kerosene lamps and lanterns, not “solar rechargeable LED lights,” for example. (Where are you going to recharge them? What happens when the computerized chip doesn’t work right?)
Aim for manual, simple devices, not high-tech “survival gadgets.”
If you live in a sparsely populated area in the country with hard winters, you are going to lose power several times in winter. And you’re going to be among the last houses to have it restored because power companies prioritize areas with the most people. In Vermont, I’ve gone two or three days without electricity each winter.
How much of your day will be affected by this, and how do you prepare for it? Since my stove is electric, I can’t cook on it without juice. But wait — no running water, either. Why? Because the water comes from a well, and an electric pump brings it into the house.
It’s one thing to have no internet and lights but entirely another to have nothing to flush the toilet with.
Stock up drinkable water jugs, lots of them, for cooking and drinking. Only for cooking and drinking. You’re going to use “gray water” for other things.
Have a rain barrel to catch water to use for flushing toilets and cleaning. Have buckets on hand. Fill them up.
Fill up your bathtub with water when a storm threatens.
This year, I resorted to melting snow in a stock pot on a portable camp stove.
I’m considering adding a hand pump to my drilled well next year. Do you remember the episode of "Little House on the Prairie" when Pa installed a water pump in Ma’s sink for the first time? Yep, that kind of pump. They’re a great backup for getting water out of the ground when the electric pump is off.
Husband your water wisely. Use your drinking water only for drinking and cooking, not for washing yourself or your dishes. Use “gray water” — the stuff in the rain barrel, the water stored in your tub — for washing dishes, flushing toilets, and other utility purposes.
Be prepared to give yourself sponge baths with a modest amount of water.
What to do for light? Kerosene lamps. No, not candles. No, not rechargeable LED lights. No, not battery-powered flashlights. Kerosene lamps.
Why? Admittedly, I’m partisan as I collect and refurbish kerosene lamps and regularly run them for heat and light. But they’re superior to other backup lighting. Much brighter than candles, and they don’t need batteries (you just have to keep a stock of kerosene on hand). Also, they’re beautiful.
Some guidelines:
If you already have an expensive heating system in place, I get that you’re not going to change that out.
When I moved into this house, I had the “blessing” of starting from scratch as the downstairs had been flooded. If you're in a similar position, I strongly advise installing something that requires no electricity.
I mean no electricity at all. Not for igniting, not for running. If it needs juice to put out heat, it’s too modern and complicated to be a good basic choice in the country.
I chose a propane-fired “fireplace stove.” It’s a beautiful cast iron piece enameled in red with a glass front; it looks like a late-19th-century wood stove. The operation is entirely mechanical, even the wall-mounted thermostat. It has its own igniter but can be lit with a match if necessary. It maintains a standing pilot light.
Whatever you choose, I recommend a basic model that ignites and fires without electricity. If this means you have to buy a vintage furnace in good or refurbished condition, then yes, that is a better choice.
Good emergency supplies of heat are portable kerosene or propane heaters. Be sure to keep a supply of fuel on hand.
If you have an electric kitchen stove, you’ll need a backup. I love my two-burner Coleman propane camping stove. It’s compact and folds up neatly for storage. That the burners put out serious heat is a bonus. Keep extra propane cylinders on hand.
Of course, you’ll also need to have nonperishable food on hand. Vegetables and grains aren’t going to get you through alone; don’t forget meat and fat. Canned goods are your friend in this situation, especially canned meat.
People’s minds seem to go toward “buy lots of dried beans and rice,” and I don’t know why. These are not the high-quality proteins you can get from meat (and they don’t have necessary fat), and they take more water and energy to cook.
I suggest laying in:
Be sure to keep some bacon grease or lard on hand. It doesn’t need refrigeration and can cook just about anything, adding necessary animal fat and calories.
Don’t forget about your car.It’s always a good idea to keep your gas tank full during winter.
If you go off the road, you’ll be glad you have the engine to keep you warm. But it’s also a great backup for charging your phone so you can stay in communication while the power is out and the roads are bad.
Obviously, this isn’t a guide to true homesteading or living off the grid, but it can help you get through a few days or weeks of living in the sticks without power and running water. If you’re an old hand at this and have wisdom to pass along, please share it in the comments.