Mental illness has become a political identity — and SURPRISE, it's on the left: Study



There have been numerous studies in recent years highlighting correlations between political affiliation and mental health.

A 2021 study published in the journal SSM-Mental Health, for instance, concluded — on the basis of an analysis of depressive attitudes among conservative and liberal 12th graders from 2005 to 2018 — that "conservatives reported lower average depressive affect, self-derogation, and loneliness scores and higher self-esteem scores than all other groups."

'These findings have far-reaching consequences.'

A 2023 study conducted by Gallup on behalf of the Institute for Family Studies found that adolescents with "very conservative parents are 16 to 17 percentage points more likely to be in good or excellent mental health compared to their peers with very liberal parents."

A 2025 study published in the journal PLOS One found that "even after accounting for a variety of other factors, there is a clear propensity of conservatives to provide more positive assessments of their mental health in comparison to liberals" — although the researchers ultimately attempted to credit this tendency to stigma or survey terminology.

The American left's mental health issues show no signs of clearing up. In fact, while conservatives continue to enjoy relatively superior mental health, the sickness on the other side appears to be attracting sufferers into a political identity all its own.

In a study strongly recommending "replication and further exploration" that was recently published in the journal Political Behavior, Lauren Van De Hey of Utah State University found that "mental health identity has begun to function as a political identity for some individuals," particularly among "younger (Gen Z) and more liberal Americans."

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Utilizing data from the national Cooperative Election Study administered by YouGov in 2022, the Utah researcher determined that a great many people now "categorize themselves as having had a mental illness, the vast majority of whom view mental illness identity and mental illness alienation as important to their sense of self."

"People who have experienced mental illness feel close to others who have experienced mental illness," wrote Van De Hey. "They are also likely to self-categorize as having or having had a mental illness, share a sense of group consciousness with others who have or had mental illness, and recognize the need to work together to change laws that are unfair to people with mental illness."

This obviously has political implications, explained the researcher, as it correlates with "support for increased state spending on health care, education, and welfare."

The study cited Sen. Tina Smith (D-Minn.) as an example of a political elite for whom mental health appears to have become a "politicized identity."

Smith has on numerous occasions discussed her past experiences with depression, grouped herself with sufferers, and identified "mental health parity" as a legislative priority.

"Those more likely to categorize as having a mental illness are more likely to have a college degree; be a Democrat, liberal, and white; and have slightly lower family income," said the study. "For both the [Mental Illness] Identity and [Mental Illness] Alienation scales, the only consequential variable is ideology: Those with higher MI identification or MI Alienation are more likely to be liberal."

Van De Hey concluded, "These findings have far-reaching consequences for mental health advocacy and the role mental health identity will play in the political sphere — especially as Gen Z matures as a cohort."

Dealing with a sample of 860 respondents, Van De Hey found that 26% categorized themselves as having had a mental illness in their lifetime, 22% categorized themselves as having had a physical disability, and 168 categorized themselves as having had a serious chronic physical illness.

Of the 220 respondents who said they had mental illness in their lifetime, 70% identified as "liberal" or "very liberal," 24% identified as "moderate," and 32% identified as "conservative" or "very conservative."

Of the same 220 respondents, about half stated that their identity as a person with a mental health illness was "important" or "very important to them."

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'Mindfulness' meditation is no match for the power of prayer — and science can prove it



Growing up in our house, prayer was non-negotiable. Before meals, before bed, and before tests. My mother prayed before she turned the ignition. Every single time. Backing out of the driveway to grab milk? A petition went up. Driving less than a mile to church? Another one. I rolled my eyes the way Hamlet brooded, often and at length.

I figured Mom was a soft touch for superstition. A nice lady with a nervous habit dressed up as theology. Turns out the habit was sound — and the theology even sounder.

You are not emptying the mind. If anything, you are spilling the contents before a higher power who already knew what was in there.

A recent study published in Religion, Brain & Behavior by researchers in Ireland looked at 628 middle-aged adults from the Midlife in the United States project, a long-running national study that has tracked the health of thousands of Americans since 1995.

They put participants through a standardized stress test and measured what their hearts and blood pressure did under pressure. They found that people who scored higher on private religious practices showed lower systolic blood pressure reactivity to the stressor.

Essentially, when life throws a curveball, the praying person's heart absorbs the hit.

Religious but not spiritual

The researchers separated two things most people lump together: private religious practices (prayer, Scripture reading, devotion at home) and what they called daily spiritual experiences (a general sense of the sacred, feelings of connectedness, vague "spiritual" vibes). Only the first category, the one with actual prayer in it, produced the cardiovascular benefit.

This matters because the modern wellness industry has spent two decades trying to sell Americans on a defanged, deracinated version of spiritual practice. Meditation retreats. Mindfulness courses. Breath-work seminars at $400 a weekend. All of it positioned as the secular, sophisticated alternative to what your grandmother was doing for free with a worn King James Bible.

But prayer and meditation are not the same animal. The wellness industry would like you to believe they are interchangeable, two flavors of the same practice, both leading to lower cortisol and better sleep. That is a lie.

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Empty promise

Meditation, in its popular Western form, is largely about emptying the mind. You sit, you breathe, you observe your thoughts like passing strangers you owe nothing to, you achieve a kind of inner stillness.

The goal is detachment. You are training yourself to step back from your own mental chatter and watch it from a distance. The self is the subject, the object, and the audience all at once. If it works, you feel calmer. If it doesn't, you feel like you spent 20 minutes wondering if you turned off the stove

Prayer is the opposite. Prayer is a conversation. There is a Person on the other end of the line, and that Person is listening. You are addressing someone, asking, thanking, confessing, repenting, interceding for your sister’s job interview. You are not emptying the mind. If anything, you are spilling the contents before a higher power who already knew what was in there.

Meditation looks inward. Prayer looks up. Meditation is a monologue performed for an audience of one, who is also the performer. Prayer is a dialogue with the Creator of the universe. Meditation assumes the cosmos is indifferent and that the best you can do is make peace with that.

One assumes you are a bundle of neurons talking to itself. The other assumes you are a soul talking to its Maker.

That difference is the whole game.

Praying together, staying together

And the benefits extend well beyond the cardiac. A 2016 systematic review examined a dozen randomized trials and found prayer reduced anxiety in mothers of children with cancer, helped chemotherapy patients cope, and improved spiritual well-being across the board.

Then there is collective prayer, which deserves its own paragraph. Something happens when believers gather and pray together that doesn’t happen alone in your kitchen.

A hospital-based study published in ScienceDirect documented measurable benefits among patients and staff at an outpatient clinic that began every workday with group prayer. The faithful have known this for 2,000 years. Fears that felt enormous at three in the morning shrink to a manageable size when spoken aloud in the presence of people who love you and a God who loves you more.

Burdens get distributed. A timid believer hears a confident prayer spoken aloud and realizes that confidence is available, not reserved. A confident believer hears someone else struggle to find words and remembers that brokenness is not a disqualification. The result is a kind of mutual restocking.

Kneeling and dealing

Which brings me to the deeper point. America is in a mental health crisis. Antidepressant prescriptions keep climbing. In 2023, loneliness was declared a public health emergency by the surgeon general himself. Suicide rates among the youth are at generational highs.

Pundits offer theories that include smartphones, social media, economic precarity, and polarization. All are real, but all are partial. The fuller explanation is the one your pastor has been preaching for years. You cannot evict God from a culture and expect the building to stand. A nation that traded the sanctuary for the self-help aisle was always going to drown in despair. There is a God-shaped hole in the modern Western psyche; stuffing it with meditation apps and microdoses is like trying to plug a dam with Kleenex.

Prayer is older than the problem. Prayer is bigger than the diagnosis. The studies show it, and Christians know it.

Alarming levels of heavy metals found in protein powders, sparking investigation from Texas AG Paxton



Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton announced on Monday an industry-wide investigation into protein powder manufacturers following the release of a pair of damning reports that confirmed the presence of various heavy metals in popular powders and ready-to-drink shakes.

Roughly 15 years ago, Consumer Reports tested 15 protein drinks in a laboratory and found that all of the drinks "had at least one sample containing one or more of the following contaminants: arsenic, cadmium, lead, and mercury."

'Far too many corporations have snuck harmful ingredients in their products.'

The investigators determined that while the heavy metal levels detected in most drinks were in the "low to moderate range," certain drinks had enough to warrant concern if consumed multiple times a day.

Last year, Consumer Reports conducted a new round of tests, scrutinizing 23 protein powders and read-to-drink shakes from popular brands. The CR investigators discovered that the problem facing the protein products of yesteryear is now not only commonplace but supercharged.

"For more than two-thirds of the products we analyzed, a single serving contained more lead than CR’s food safety experts say is safe to consume in a day — some by more than 10 times," said the report.

Lead is toxic to humans. Exposure in adults — for which there is no known safe level — can cause numerous health conditions including decreased kidney function, heart problems, infertility, and joint weakness.

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According to the Food and Drug Administration, "The most serious effects of lead exposure can occur during times of active brain development. High levels of exposure to lead in utero, infancy, and early childhood can lead to neurological effects such as learning disabilities, behavior difficulties, and lowered IQ."

The new CR investigation, led by chemist and food safety researcher Tunde Akinleye, found that the average level of lead in the protein powders was much higher than that observed in the previous CR tests and that there were fewer products with undetectable amounts of it.

Yesteryear's worst in show apparently have nothing on today's outliers.

According to the report, Naked Nutrition's Vegan Mass Gainer powder — the product found to have the highest lead levels among those tested — had twice as much lead per 315-gram serving as the worst product analyzed in 2010. It reportedly contained 7.7 micrograms of lead per serving, which is roughly 1,570% of CR's level of concern for the heavy metal.

Lead levels in a 90-gram serving of Huel's Black Edition powder — reportedly 6.3 micrograms of lead, or 1,288% of CR's daily lead limit — similarly raised concerns among testers, as did the levels in Garden of Life's Sport Organic Plant-Based Protein and Momentous' since-discontinued 100% Plant Protein powder, which allegedly contained lead between 400% and 600% of CR's level of concern.

The report concluded:

  • roughly 70% of the products tested contained over 120% of CR's level of concern for lead, which is 0.5 micrograms per day;
  • three products exceeded CR's level of concern for inorganic arsenic and cadmium — Huel's Black Edition powder, for instance, contained 9.2 micrograms of cadmium, which is more than twice the level that health experts say could be harmful to have daily;
  • consumers should avoid Naked Nutrition's Vegan Mass Gainer and Huel's Black Edition and limit consumption of Garden of Life Sport Organic Plant-Based Protein and Momentous' 100% Plant Protein to once a week; and
  • plant-based protein powders had, on average, nine times the amount of lead found in products made with dairy proteins like whey and twice as much as beef-based products.

Naked Nutrition's chief marketing officer James Clark told CR that his company takes "customers' health very seriously"; sources its ingredients from "select suppliers" that provide documentation attesting they were checked for heavy metals; and had requested a third-party test of its product Mass Gainer.

A spokesman for Huel stressed that the company was "confident in the current formulation and safety of the products," adding that its ingredients undergo "rigorous testing."

Will McClaren, a spokesman for Momentous, claimed his company had executed a "massive overhaul" of its lineup and discontinued the products that CR had tested, namely the company's Whey Protein Isolate and its 100% Plant Protein.

A spokesperson for Garden of Life US said the company's products were safe for daily use and that the company's limits for heavy metals were determined by closely following food safety guidance from the Food and Drug Administration, the Environmental Protection Agency, and other safety authorities.

Both Garden of Life and Momentous told CR that they tested their ingredients and finished protein products for heavy metals.

The Clean Label Project, an advocacy organization committed to greater transparency in product labeling, similarly found from a review of over 160 of the top-selling protein powders — according to Nielsen and Amazon best-seller lists — that heavy metals were a common issue.

The advocacy and research group stated in its January 2025 report that "47% of products exceeded at least one federal or state regulatory set for safety."

Texas AG Paxton said on Monday, "Protein is a vital macronutrient for human health, and Texans deserve clean protein powders without having to worry whether the products contain heavy metals or other harmful chemicals."

"Far too many corporations have snuck harmful ingredients in their products, and I am committed to doing everything I can to help Make America Healthy Again," added Paxton.

Paxton's investigation will "examine whether companies falsely marketed or misrepresented the safety and contents of their products and whether they failed to disclose known information about heavy metal contamination in violation of Texas law."

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Disembodied human brains kept 'alive' for drug testing by controversial American startup



Several years ago, a team of researchers obtained numerous pig brains from a slaughterhouse and revived them off-site for experimentation purposes. That team has since moved up the food chain. Now it obtains human donors' brains, restores their functions, and uses them to test experimental drugs.

Bexorg, a Connecticut-based biotech startup spun out of Yale University, boasts about having created a "platform that leverages the untouched potential of nature's most complex and enduring mystery: the human brain."

'It’s a remarkable brain bank.'

Whereas other researchers might be limited to experimenting on lab-grown, human pseudo-brains or cell cultures, the team at Bexorg meddles with "full mature, intact, and isolated brains for days on end" with the stated aim of advancing brain disease therapies.

Unlike the company's slick pitch, the reality appears to be something of a horror show. After all, the over 700 brains that have been subjected to experimentation at Bexorg so far were apparently far from inert.

Bexorg takes human brains from their newly deceased donors' bodies, places them in what are effectively vats, and feeds them liters of blood substitute and other fluids that provide oxygen from an artificial lung and carry away waste to a fake kidney. The tubes that carry the sustaining fluids are connected to blood vessels in the brain via four plastic ports.

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RDB/Dukas/Universal Images Group/Getty Images

According to the peer-reviewed academic journal Science, the company's proprietary life-support system BrainEx keeps the disembodied brains alive and preserves their key functions so that they can metabolize experimental drugs and react to other stimuli.

After roughly 24 hours in a state of drugged limbo, donors' brains are cut up into hundreds of pieces for further study.

Although the brains are alive and reactive for the benefit of "drug discovery," Bexorg CEO Zvonimir Vrselja has stated that "higher-level brain functions are not restored."

According to a 2019 study in which Vrselja and other members of what became the Bexorg team used their technology to revive pig brains obtained from a food processing facility, "The observed restoration of molecular and cellular processes following 4h of global anoxia/ischemia should not be extrapolated to signify resurgence of normal brain function. Indeed, quite the opposite: at no point did we observe the kind of organized global electrical activity associated with awareness, perception, or other higher-order brain functions."

To ensure against the re-emergence of consciousness among the subjects of their "wet-lab" experiments, researchers suppress the human brains' electrical activity with anesthetics, specifically the drug propofol.

Propofol apparently causes brain activity to become unstable until the brain loses consciousness.

"The brains are already almost devoid of the coordinated neural firing necessary even for minimal consciousness," Brenand Parent, a bioethicist from New York University Langone Health who sits on Bexorg's board, told Science.

Despite the company's reassurances and use of multiple measures to block neuronal activity, some have raised serious ethical concerns about Bexorg's technology, which initially developed with the help of funding through the National Institutes of Health BRAIN Initiative. A source familiar told Blaze News that the company is not presently receiving NIH funding.

"This is brand-new, and there's no kind of institutional oversight," Yale bioethicist Stephen Latham told ScienceAlert in 2019 regarding the earlier experiments on pig brains.

"This is not animal research, because the brain comes to the researchers from an already dead animal," continued Latham. "But if consciousness were somehow induced in the brain, we don't have ethics committees … that are constituted to even think about how to do the kinds of trade-offs you do when you do research on human subjects or on animals."

Vrselja claimed in a December 2025 study published in the Alzheimer's Association's journal, Alzheimer's and Dementia, that the 5-year-old startup's "perfusion‐based postmortem brain model can recapitulate the complexity of the brain at the cellular and systems level."

The December study claimed further that "utilizing human disease brains as a preclinical model promises to substantially increase the probability of success in developing new therapies for AD."

Bexorg did not respond to a request for comment from Blaze News.

Bruna Bellaver, a research assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh, told Science that BrainEx is "a huge step up from mouse models."

Bruce Car, the chief science officer at Biohaven, one of Bexorg's collaborators, has used roughly 130 of the Bexorg-sustained brains to test drugs. Car told Science that one of the drugs, the intended use of which is to prevent toxic proteins from building up in the brain, didn't perform as desired in a mouse, but worked in the disembodied human brains at a lower-than-expected dose. This apparently saved Biohaven a year of development.

"It’s a remarkable brain bank," said MIT neuroscientist Li-Huei Tsai, who instead uses pseudo-brains grown from human stem cells.

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Foreign 'Fauci acolyte' and his African crony charged with smuggling monkeypox onto American soil



A pair of foreigners employed at a controversial U.S. biolab were charged on Tuesday with conspiracy to smuggle monkeypox onto American soil and giving false statements to federal law enforcement.

Vincent Munster — a 53-year-old Dutch citizen who is the chief of the virus ecology section at Rocky Mountain Laboratories, a National Institutes of Health Biosafety Level 4 research facility in Hamilton, Montana — and one of his underlings, a 38-year-old Cameroonian national named Claude Kwe, were caught by Customs and Border Patrol officials with a black case allegedly full of viral materials at the Detroit Metropolitan Airport on Jan. 25.

'This is bigger than a customs charge.'

The duo allegedly told CBP agents that the case — which they had traveled with from the Congo, where a major monkeypox outbreak was underway — contained diagnostics and testing equipment. Federal agents discovered, however, that the case actually contained 113 vials in Styrofoam containers, the Justice Department said in a release.

According to the DOJ, an FBI analysis of 20 of the 113 vials showed that 17 contained deactivated monkeypox virus, one contained the chickenpox virus, and two contained human DNA.

Monkeypox is a disease caused by a virus in the same genus as the virus that causes smallpox. While endemic in various African regions, monkeypox made a global play in early 2022. In nearly all Western cases, the disease affects and is spread by homosexuals.

A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine noted that of the 528 infections diagnosed between April 27 and June 24, 2022, 98% of those infected were homosexuals and that "transmission was suspected to have occurred through sexual activity in 95% of the persons with infection."

Individuals infected with monkeypox often experience a painful rash that can look like pimples or blisters, respiratory problems, exhaustion, fever, swollen lymph nodes, and chills. The disease can be spread via respiratory droplets, through "direct contact with a rash or sores of someone who has the virus," and through "contact with clothing, bedding, and other items used by a person" with the virus.

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Vincent Munster. NIAID.

Emily Hilliard, a senior Health and Human Services press secretary, told Blaze News that the NIH, which owns Rocky Mountain Laboratories, is cooperating fully with law enforcement and the relevant authorities regarding the case against Munster and Kwe.

Hilliard noted further that the NIH was made aware of the incident at the Detroit airport in January, and agency leaders "immediately activated established agency protocols to safeguard related laboratory facilities, research materials, and biological samples."

These measures apparently included "securing relevant laboratory spaces, restricting access to affected areas, and conducting a comprehensive audit and inventory assessment to verify that all materials were appropriately accounted for, documented, and maintained in accordance with all relevant biosafety policies, requirements, and procedures."

U.S. Attorney Jerome Gorgon Jr. of the Eastern District of Michigan said of the alleged monkeypox smuggling attempt, "These NIH experts apparently broke our laws by smuggling viral pathogens on a packed commercial airplane from an outbreak in the Republic of Congo. Let that sink in."

"Any deliberate effort to conceal and smuggle biological materials into the United States without proper authorization is a breach of the public’s trust and could have placed the public at risk," stated Marcus Sykes, special agent in charge of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of Inspector General.

Munster and Kwe each face a maximum sentence of five years in prison.

Neither the researchers nor the HHS responded to a request for comment from Blaze News.

Dr. Richard H. Ebright of Rutgers University alleged of the suspect, "Munster exemplifies the dishonesty, the disregard for biosafety, the disdain for law, and the contempt for the public interest that — after four decades of Anthony Fauci having treated virology as his personal fief and power base — have become pervasive in virology."

Dr. Robert Malone, a biochemist who recently served on the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices, emphasized that "this is bigger than a customs charge."

"Why does Munster's name matter? In April 2024, Sen. Rand Paul released documents showing Rocky Mountain Laboratories — Munster's facility — was listed as a participant in EcoHealth Alliance's DEFUSE proposal. The same proposal DARPA rejected for posing unacceptable biosafety risks," wrote Malone. "DEFUSE contemplated experiments on novel bat coronaviruses, spike protein manipulation, and insertion of furin cleavage sites. DARPA said no. But NIAID kept funding the same research ecosystem — EcoHealth, the Wuhan Institute of Virology, the same scientific objectives. Then COVID emerged in Wuhan."

Munster is currently listed as a senior investigator with the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases' virus ecology section. In recent years, he has worked on and researched numerous viruses, including SARS-COV-2, the virus behind COVID-19.

Kwe is a research fellow with the NIH's intramural research program.

The two of them have worked together on monkeypox research and are listed as co-authors of a February 2026 study assessing "the risk of clade Ib mpox and our preparedness."

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Monkeypox. NIH-NIAID/Image Point FR/BSIP/Universal Images Group/Getty Images.

They concluded in their study that "the emergence and current co-circulation of clade Ia, Ib, and clade IIb in Africa, and recent spread of clade Ib mpox in the U.S, Europe, and Asia is a reminder that emerging infectious diseases are global issues that require timely coordinated response."

The foreign researchers noted further that "the global spread of clade IIb and Ib should also be recognized as sentinel events, highlighting essential gaps in pandemic preparedness."

The criminal charges against Munster and Kwe come just weeks after White Coat Waste Project — a watchdog that helped expose EcoHealth Alliance's and former NIAID Director Anthony Fauci's ties to the gain-of-function experiments at the Wuhan Institute of Virology — obtained and published a damning whistleblower report detailing Munster and Kwe's alleged attempt to smuggle foreign viruses onto American soil.

The whistleblower characterized Munster as a "Fauci acolyte and all around egotistical, arrogant foreigner that joined his research project (to aerosolize covid virus) to Ralph Baric's project (to weaponize it)."

Baric, a professor in the departments of epidemiology and microbiology at the University of North Carolina, is a leading proponent of gain-of-function research who successfully fought for an exemption from the Obama administration's moratorium on the dangerous practice in order to keep manufacturing artificial SARS-like viruses.

In response to a request for comment, Baric directed Blaze News to UNC, which did not immediately respond.

The whistleblower went on to claim that after Detroit authorities "found dozens of vials" in Munster's baggage in January, the NIH "went into full cover-up mode."

Rocky Mountain Laboratories has also been home to additional scandals in recent months.

The NIH recently confirmed to the Ravalli Republic that in November 2025, the facility was exposed to Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever virus, which has a fatality rate of 30% or higher.

"At no time was there any evidence of disease transmission or infection, nor was there ever any risk to staff, caregivers, or the public," said the NIH.

According to the whistleblower, that "exposure" was the result of an infected monkey "that was being tortured (infected and sickened with no pain mitigation) as an experiment for Crimean Congo Hemorrhagic fever."

The NIH did not immediately respond to Blaze News' request for comment about the whistleblower's allegations.

On Feb. 18, RML also filed a federal "release/loss/theft" form. An NIH spokesman said it was done "in response to a potential exposure to Crimean-Congo Hemorrhagic Fever Virus due to a hole in a glove that occurred while changing cages of laboratory mice."

"There was no release outside of the lab and at no time was there any risk to the public," said the spokesman.

Republican Sen. Tim Sheehy of Montana, citing the whistleblower complaint, asked HHS Inspector General March Bell in a May 26 letter to launch a formal investigation "into the safety, security, and personnel practices at RML" and raised alarm about Munster's souvenirs from the Congo.

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Mandami's 'food desert' lie: How millions of your tax dollars are spent fixing fake urban famine



New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani (D) has a new solution for urban poverty: government-run grocery stores.

The plan, announced as part of his first 100 days in office, would spend roughly $70 million creating city-owned supermarkets across New York, beginning with a flagship location in East Harlem. The stores would operate through private contractors under city oversight, with subsidized staples — cheaper eggs, cheaper bread, cheaper basics — guaranteed by government rather than market competition.

Fast food, the supposed cheap fallback of the food-deprived, has out-inflated inflation itself and is now closer to a sit-down dinner than a quick bite.

Mamdani justifies this spending by invoking a persistent, infrequently examined assumption of liberal policymakers: that cities in America are riddled with blighted urban zones where fresh produce and healthy groceries remain frustratingly out of reach.

These are called "food deserts."

Hunger games

Never mind that a quick look around the proposed East Harlem site reveals multiple grocery stores within walking distance, including produce markets sitting blocks from where the city plans to spend tens of millions constructing another one.

Yet the language persists. Reading recent coverage of America's "food deserts," you would be forgiven for thinking we have all woken up in the back half of "The Road," scavenging tin cans in ash-choked ruins while a feral child clutches our pant leg.

ABC News informs us that 17 million Americans live in a federally designated food desert, a term so bleak it sounds like it should come with a Pulitzer and a black-and-white photo of a barefoot kid staring into the middle distance.

Tara Colton of New Jersey's Economic Development Authority calls food deserts a product of structural racism, neighborhood redlining, and disinvestment — three abstractions stacked into one sentence, which is the literary equivalent of a turducken. Malcolm Gladwell is taking notes.

To be clear, there are real people in these stories who deserve real help. Take Knoxville, for instance, where an elderly disabled woman with a walker needs three to four hours to buy groceries. There are many like her. No car, no one to call when the fridge needs to be restocked.

But is that really a food problem, or is it a loneliness problem in disguise? A what-happened-to-neighbors problem? Whatever it is, it isn't fixed by the nearest Kroger relocating two blocks closer, but by a person with transportation and 20 free minutes.

Couch-bound

Which brings us to the definition itself, because the definition is where this whole conversation instantly falls apart. Per the USDA, a food desert is a low-income area where residents live more than one mile from a supermarket in a city or 20 in the country.

The rural number is its own conversation. The urban one deserves a closer look. One mile. That is the apocalyptic threshold, the line past which we reach for the language of famine and structural decay. One mile is the distance between your couch and the place you were going to walk to anyway before you decided to "treat yourself" to DoorDash. There are CrossFit gyms charging $200 a month to make people walk farther than that carrying objects on purpose.

Then there is the part the hellscape correspondents won't touch. A Big Mac combo now averages $9 nationally. A large pizza that feeds two or three people runs $15 to $20 before tip and delivery fee and the mysterious "service charge" that has crept onto every receipt in America. A medium fries alone is $4 now, a price point that used to get you the whole meal. Fast food, the supposed cheap fallback of the food-deprived, has out-inflated inflation itself and is now closer to a sit-down dinner than a quick bite.

Shop right

Meanwhile, in the so-called desert, a bag of dried lentils is $1.79. A pound of rice is a dollar. A dozen eggs, even after the great egg panic, is around $4 and gives you a week of breakfasts. Frozen vegetables, the great equalizer of American nutrition, run $2 or $3 at any Dollar Tree, which, surprise, exists in basically every "food desert" I've ever set foot in. A whole rotisserie chicken at Walmart is $5.97 and feeds a family for two days. A can of black beans is a dollar. An onion is 50 cents.

So when an able-bodied 28-year-old with a working car and a smartphone tells me he can't eat healthy because he lives in a food desert, what he means is he doesn't want to. He wants the Crunchwrap Supreme combo for $9. He wants the door to open and the food to be hot and the wrapper to crinkle.

That's a preference, not a famine. Calling it a crisis is an insult to people who actually are in one — like, say, the woman with the walker — because it lumps her struggle in with some slob's Tuesday-night laziness and gives both the same vocabulary.

Fertile ground

Either way, the term "food desert" seems deliberately designed to invoke panic. Maybe so taxpayers will look the other way when, say, New Jersey passes a $240 million Food Desert Relief Act and starts paying restaurants to deliver hot meals.

But there are no ash plumes. No one is barbecuing cats or plucking ducks from ponds. Well, very few are.

Battlefield Farm, a Knoxville nonprofit, understands this. It doesn't tweet about food apartheid. Instead, it grows actual collards and drives them to actual people in an actual van. The company is planning a low-cost grocery store.

That's the thing about real problems. They tend to have real, boring solutions, and they tend to require us to acknowledge reality before we can do anything about them.

The 53 million Americans the USDA classifies as having "limited" food access are not all starving in a wasteland. Most of them are within walking, biking, or one-bus distance of a place that sells apples and carrots. Most of them know this, and a lot of them are cooking meals right now. The ones who genuinely cannot get there need rides, ramps, and delivery — not a fatalistic op-ed painting America like a Ken Burns documentary nobody asked for.