'Why me?' Ex-Mike Pence adviser attacks Kash Patel then cries victim when met with defamation legal notice
Establishmentarians struggling with the likelihood of having little to no representation in the incoming administration have spent weeks attacking several of President-elect Donald Trump's picks to helm federal agencies of consequence.
Although Pete Hegseth, Trump's pick to run the Pentagon, has taken an inordinate amount of abuse, former National Security Council official Kash Patel has similarly become a top target for champions of the status quo, including Olivia Troye, a middling intelligence official in the George W. Bush administration who later served as an adviser to former Vice President Mike Pence.
In conversation with identitarian MSNBC host Joy Reid this week, Troye viciously attacked Patel. Although accustomed — like most in the liberal media — to hurling verbal bombs without fear of personal consequence, the former Pence adviser was promptly met with a legal notice. Troye responded by playing the victim and bemoaning a potential state of things where talking heads might be answerable for their accusations.
Shot
Troye, an ardent critic of Trump who defended censorship before Congress and endorsed Kamala Harris, told Reid Monday that nameless unelected officials in Washington, D.C., believe Patel is dangerous.
"I worked with Kash Patel in the White House. I was Vice President Mike Pence's counterterrorism adviser so I had to coordinate with Kash a lot. Kash Patel is a delusional liar. Let me just be very clear about that," said Troye. "And he would lie about intelligence. He would lie about making things up on operations. I think Mark Esper has talked about that as well, where he put the lives of Navy Seals at risk in an operation when it came to Nigeria."
'This is a complete fabrication.'
"At some point, I realized I need to check Kash's work to make sure that I wasn't misinforming Mike Pence by relying on his word. So I had to go around him. And this is a guy who openly has contempt for people in national security, for people especially at DOJ and the FBI."
Troye noted further that "there is a little bit of fear here from people where they know that someone like Kash Patel is fully capable of just doing partisan investigations, whatever it takes. It will be insane if he becomes the director of the FBI."
Chaser
Jesse Binnall of the Binnall Law Group, which represents Patel, sent a letter to Troye's counsel Wednesday threatening to take legal action against the MSNBC guest unless she publicly retracts her "defamatory statements."
The legal notice further advised Troye to "identify and preserve all hard copy and electronically stored documents, information, and data that relate, in any way, to Mr. Patel and to [her] statements about him on MSNBC."
Binnall focused on Troye's allegations that Patel would "lie about intelligence"; that he would "lie about making things up on operations"; that he was misinforming Pence; and that he "put the lives of Navy Seals at risk."
"This is a complete fabrication," wrote Binnall. "And you know it is false by virtue of your former position in the White House. At no point did Mr. Patel ever lie about national intelligence, place Navy Seals at risk, or misinform the Vice President. Not only did you have actual knowledge of the falsity of this smear, but you also did so with the malicious intent of degrading his character and of cynical self-promotion."
'You're insufferable and so is your lawyer.'
"This is, of course, not the first time you have milked your former title as a means of spreading lies about associates of President Donald J. Trump," added Binnall, referencing Troye's 2022 smear of former acting Director of National Intelligence Richard Grenell, which resulted in a defamation lawsuit.
Grenell's complaint indicated that Troye, who alleged Grenell tried to get Pence to attend a white supremacist event while overseas, "is a disgruntled former government employee who is on a malicious smear campaign against her political rivals."
Unless Troye retracts her comments in a public statement on X by next week, Patel will apparently take legal action.
Hangover
Troye cried foul upon receipt of the legal notice, stating on X, "This aligns with [Patel's] threats against the media & political opponents, revealing how he might conduct himself if confirmed in the role."
"I stand by my statements — my priority remains the safety & security of the American people," continued Troye. "I am not the only one who has expressed concerns about him. So why me? And so it begins."
The account for the Georgia GOP offered a possible answer to Troye's "Why me?": "Because you defamed him on national television, perhaps."
Jeff Clark, a former assistant attorney general for the Department of Justice's environment and natural resources division, responded to Troye, "You're insufferable and so is your lawyer. The good news is that your MSNBC platform is an oasis pod that is rapidly dehydrating before our eyes. Ratings circling the drain. We won't miss you when channel surfing and over time seeing you less and less."
Troye is not the only former federal operative concern-mongering about Patel at MSNBC and at similar liberal media outfits.
Frank Figliuzzi, a former assistant director for counterintelligence at the Federal Bureau of Investigation who now writes for MSNBC, noted Tuesday that Patel sounds like a "wannabe cop planning on false arrests and fabricated evidence" and insinuated that the FBI might resume its practice of illegal wiretaps, blackmail, and suggesting civil rights leaders kill themselves were Patel to take over.
Former FBI Special Agent Daniel Brunner told CNN last month that "putting someone like Kash Patel in the position of director of the FBI is, I believe, extremely, extremely dangerous."
Andrew McCabe, the former FBI deputy director who undermined the Trump presidency with Crossfire Hurricane, told CNN on Sunday, "The installation or the nomination, I guess we should say at this point, of Kash Patel's FBI director can only possibly be a plan to disrupt, to dismantle, to distract the FBI, and to possibly use it as a tool for the president's political agenda."
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Liberal establishment throws conniption over Trump's FBI director announcement; Patel speaks out
Establishmentarians hostile to President-elect Donald Trump have spent weeks characterizing former National Security Council official Kash Patel as a threat to their dysfunctional status quo.
Former FBI Special Agent Daniel Brunner told CNN last month that "putting someone like Kash Patel in the position of director of the FBI is, I believe, extremely, extremely dangerous." Andrew McCabe, the former FBI deputy director who undermined the Trump presidency with Crossfire Hurricane, said, "There is a lot of damage someone like Kash Patel could do."
Following many such unintentional endorsements, Trump announced Saturday that he will nominate Patel as FBI director Christopher Wray's replacement.
Although Patel wasted no time indicating what he intends to achieve at the FBI, elements of the liberal establishment and intelligence community signaled a desire to instead rely on their own slapdash dystopian fiction for insights into what might happen next.
'I think the best-case scenario for everybody is that Kash Patel and this talk of Kash Patel ends.'
David Frum, the former George W. Bush speechwriter and Atlantic editor who suggested days after Trump was shot in Pennsylvania that the gunman and his target were "common enemies of law and democracy," tweeted, "We are headed toward a US constitutional crisis vastly bigger than Watergate."
MSNBC talking head Joe Scarborough similarly panicked, saying, "This is not only bad for the men and women who run the FBI. This not only bad for the rule of law. This is not only bad for the First Amendment. This is not only bad for the United States of America. This is bad for Donald Trump. This is bad for the Trump administration. This is not going to end well. So I think the best-case scenario for everybody is that Kash Patel and this talk of Kash Patel ends."
The Washington Post's Ruth Marcus complained, "This is not normal," and urged Republican senators to "stand up to Trump."
Although the GOP won a majority in the U.S. Senate, those nominal Republicans who reportedly refused to support Matt Gaetz's appointment to run the Department of Justice — Sens. Mitch McConnell, Susan Collins (Maine), Lisa Murkowski (Alaska), and John Curtis (Utah) — could help spike Patel's nomination.
McCabe griped to CNN on Sunday, "The installation or the nomination, I guess we should say at this point, of Kash Patel's FBI director can only possibly be a plan to disrupt, to dismantle, to distract the FBI and to possibly use it as a tool for the president's political agenda."
"And, you know, as an organization, we know what that looks like. This country has been there before, right?" continued McCabe, James Comey's former right-hand man who shut down investigations into the Clinton Foundation in 2016.
McCabe quickly made clear that he was not referencing the Biden FBI's targeting of pro-life activists, traditional Christians, political opponents, and outspoken parents, but rather the FBI's former targeting of communists.
"The pre-Watergate FBI, the J. Edgar Hoover FBI struck fear in the hearts of Americans across the spectrum — of politicians, people in entertainment, people in the civil rights community — because the director operated at the direction of presidents to collect political intelligence and to utilize the legal authorities, the investigative authorities of the FBI, to terrorize and intimidate Americans," said McCabe.
Former Bush adviser John Bolton, a key proponent of America's disastrous 2003 invasion of Iraq, similarly criticized Trump's decision, reportedly stating, "Trump has nominated Kash Patel to be his Lavrenty Beria. Fortunately, the FBI is not the NKVD. The Senate should reject this nomination 100-0."
Vice President-elect JD Vance responded, "John Bolton has been wrong about everything so I guess Kash must be pretty awesome."
'You shut down the Hoover building immediately.'
In his announcement on Truth Social Saturday, Trump noted, "Kash is a brilliant lawyer, investigator, and 'America First' fighter who has spent his career exposing corruption, defending Justice, and protecting the American People. He played a pivotal role in uncovering the Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax, standing as an advocate for truth, accountability, and the Constitution."
"Kash did an incredible job during my First Term, where he served as Chief of Staff at the Department of Defense, Deputy Director of National Intelligence, and Senior Director for Counterterrorism at the National Security Council," continued the president-elect. "Kash has also tried over 60 jury trials. This FBI will end the growing crime epidemic in America, dismantle the migrant criminal gangs, and stop the evil scourge of human and drug trafficking across the Border. Kash will work under our great Attorney General, Pam Bondi, to bring back Fidelity, Bravery, and Integrity to the FBI."
After first making an X account, Patel shared the following statement: "It is the honor of a lifetime to be nominated by President Trump to serve as Director of the FBI. Together, we will restore integrity, accountability, and equal justice to our justice system and return the FBI to its rightful mission: protecting the American people."
While Patel has been highly critical of the FBI, he told Blaze Media co-founder Glenn Beck in December 2023 that the bureau is "fixable" and explained what reform might look like.
"You shut down the Hoover building immediately. I think you literally open it up the next day as a museum of the deep state and you let everybody walk the halls for free, and you leave that behemoth open 365 days a year," said Patel. "You need like 20 people in a skiff to run the FBI. The other 7,000 agents that are sitting in that building should be chasing criminals around America, not distorting statistics about January 6 so Chris Ray can go to Congress and lie and say, 'Domestic violent terrorism is on the rise.'"
While various Democrats joined McCabe in throwing tantrums, various Republican lawmakers celebrated Trump's choice.
'He is a man of honor, unquestionable loyalty, and an American Patriot.'
House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) wrote, "Kash Patel has extensive experience in national security and intelligence. He is an America First patriot who will bring much-needed change and transparency to the FBI."
Tennessee Sen. Bill Hagerty (R) told NBC's "Meet the Press," "There are serious problems at the FBI. The American public knows it. They expect to see sweeping change, and Kash Patel is just the type of person to do it."
Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.) said, "I look forward to supporting him and pushing this nomination across the finish line."
"Kash will get confirmed by the Senate," tweeted Rep.-elect Abe Hamadeh (R-Ariz.). "He is a man of honor, unquestionable loyalty, and an American Patriot. Kash is the son of Indian immigrants who escaped Uganda's genocidal dictator, Idi Amin. He WILL restore and uphold the rule of law, and the FBI will be premier again!"
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Trump’s Victory Alone Won’t Make America Great Again. We Have To Do That Ourselves
Twenty years from now, we could remember the coming four years as the beginning a new Golden Age for our country.Trump-endorsed Floridian launches bid to replace Mike Waltz following administration nomination
On Tuesday, Republican state Sen. Randy Fine of Florida announced his bid to replace Republican Rep. Mike Waltz after securing an endorsement from President-elect Donald Trump.
Fine is running to replace Waltz after Trump tapped the outgoing congressman to serve as national security adviser in the upcoming administration. Waltz confirmed Monday that he would resign from his post on Inauguration Day.
'It is my belief that President Trump is our nation's last, best chance to right the ship.'
“I’m proud to announce that I’m going to be running for the 6th Congressional District of the state of Florida,” Fine told Fox News on Tuesday. “Whether it’s fighting inflation to make America affordable again, closing the border to make America safe again, or standing up for Israel and standing up to China, I’m ready to go.”
Trump also endorsed Fine on Monday ahead of his official announcement, noting his allegiance to the MAGA movement.
"A Harvard Educated, Successful Businessman, and Highly Respected State Legislator, Randy has been an incredible Voice for MAGA, and the Great People of Florida," Trump said. "In Congress, Randy will be an INCREDIBLE Fighter who will work tirelessly with me to Stop Inflation, Grow our Economy, Secure the Border, Champion our Military/Vets, Restore American Energy DOMINANCE, Protect our always under siege Second Amendment, and Restore PEACE THROUGH STRENGTH."
In response, Fine praised the president-elect and pledged to work alongside him.
"Clearly Mom wasted no time once she made it upstairs," Fine said. "Mr. President, G-d saved you on that day in Butler so that you could save the world. It would be the honor of my life to be one of your footsoldiers."
Fine resigned from his state Senate seat on Tuesday amid his campaign launch, just one month into his term. His resignation will go into effect beginning March 31.
"It is my belief that President Trump is our nation's last, best chance to right the ship," Fine said in his resignation letter. "And with his statement this weekend, he believes I can help. I owe it to those same children that I entered office to serve to join that fight. While I am sorry that my service in the Senate will be abbreviated, it seems that my path will return me to a People's House where I will fight for Floridians under the familiar title of Representative."
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Trump’s courage inspires a cultural and political awakening
President Donald Trump’s smashing election victory has sparked a cultural and political movement unlike any in modern history, proving that his courage is becoming contagious.
In recent years, the political left has aggressively advanced an agenda of repression, suppression, and censorship targeting ordinary Americans. This overreach included promoting a radical transgender agenda that disregarded parental rights, pushing a woke cultural narrative that alienated much of the country, tolerating blatant anti-Semitism, and weakening national security with an open-borders policy.
Trump’s victory is more than a political comeback — it’s a cultural reset.
The left’s actions also included weaponizing the justice system against Trump and his supporters, censoring dissenting voices through both public and private channels, and promoting divisive rhetoric that incited violence. These factors created a tidal wave of discontent that propelled Trump back into office with the largest Republican electoral and popular vote margins in decades.
Democrats in power, along with progressive leftists in academia, the media, and other institutions, fostered a culture of fear. Anyone who dissented risked being castigated, investigated, or marginalized.
The news media spent over eight years spreading fake stories about Russian collusion, baseless impeachments, an exaggerated insurrection compared to Pearl Harbor and 9/11, and claims that the border was secure or the Afghanistan withdrawal was manageable.
These betrayals are now unraveling. With Trump’s election victory, reports and rumors suggest that CNN and MSNBC face potential sales by their parent companies. Their ratings have plummeted, revealing the public's rejection of their anti-American rhetoric. Institutions that once shaped national discourse now stand exposed as propagandists rather than truth-tellers. By abusing the public’s trust, they have lost it entirely.
This cultural wildfire wasn't ignited on November 5 alone. The flames had been rising with the FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago, the baseless indictments, Trump’s mug shot, his court appearances, the obvious political bias of judges, and even the near-successful assassination attempts. The media manipulated or ignored these stories depending on what best served their political goals. The wildfire raged with Trump’s defiant “Fight! Fight! Fight!” at his Butler, Pennsylvania, return, his epic Madison Square Garden rally, and ultimately, his resounding election night victory.
Since Election Day, Trump’s courage has become contagious, as everyday Americans took back their country and trusted him to lead us out of this cultural morass.
The defiant rejection of leftist repression marked by the election outcome was not confined to the ballot box. It’s playing out in unexpected forums, including places where openly supporting Trump has long been cause for ostracism and sanction. Professional athletes are performing the “Trump dance,” videos of ordinary Americans celebrating freedom are going viral, and international leaders are openly aligning with Trump’s blueprint for global peace and prosperity.
These moments have resonated with millions, illustrating how one man’s courage can inspire others to follow suit. And these acts are not just symbolic; they’re a declaration of solidarity with an America-first philosophy that celebrates freedom, opportunity, and unapologetic patriotism.
Trump’s victory is more than a political comeback — it’s a cultural reset. It marks a rebuke of division, censorship, and bureaucratic overreach. More importantly, it signals the beginning of a new era of hope, unity, and prosperity. The celebrations we see on the football field, across social media, and elsewhere are emblematic of a collective joy that transcends political lines. They are a reminder that the American experiment is still alive, our spirits are burning brightly, and our best days are ahead.
Donald Trump’s return to the presidency reminds us of the power of standing firm in our convictions, even in the face of overwhelming opposition. As we move forward, let us embrace this renewed sense of purpose. Courage is contagious, and as more Americans find their voice, the ripple effect will shape the future of a burdened nation with restored values of liberty, justice, and equality for all more than ever before.
Andrew McCabe, other deep state mascots want Mike Rogers for FBI director — but Trump adviser says 'it's not happening'
Andrew McCabe, the former FBI deputy director who shut down investigations into the Clinton Foundation in 2016 then undermined the Trump presidency with Crossfire Hurricane, told CNN Thursday that former Michigan Rep. Mike Rogers would be a "totally reasonable, logical selection" for President-elect Donald Trump's FBI director.
McCabe said that Rogers' "strongest qualification ... is the respect and awareness and knowledge that he has for the intelligence community, for the work they do, for the seriousness of that work, for how those secrets and that sensitive information needs to be protected."
To the likely displeasure of McCabe and other exponents of the Washington security establishment, Trump has apparently joined Michigan voters in rejecting Rogers.
Trump adviser Dan Scavino indicated Friday morning — shortly after Fox News' Brian Kilmeade sung Rogers' praises — that where FBI Director Christopher Wray's replacement is concerned, Rogers is "not happening."
Scavino quoted President-elect Donald Trump as saying, "I have never even given it a thought."
This came as great news to those alternatively keen to see former National Security Council official Kash Patel named Wray's successor.
"Winning," tweeted Donald Trump Jr.
"Boom," wrote Revolver News editor Darren Beattie.
Rumors that Trump was considering Rogers for the position began to circulate last week after the former congressman met with Trump at his Mar-a-Lago club in Palm Beach, Florida.
The prospect of a defense lobbyist associated with censorious groups antagonistic to Trump and historically supportive of mass surveillance programs running the FBI rankled Trump loyalists and other critics of the dysfunctional administrative state, particularly those keen to see Patel nominated.
Mike Benz, the executive director of the Foundation for Freedom Online, told former Trump adviser Stephen K. Bannon that Rogers' involvement with the Atlantic Council — "probably the number-one apex predator in the entire censorship industry" — and his help advancing Russiagate were disqualifying.
'There is a lot of damage someone like Kash Patel could do.'
Independent journalist Glenn Greenwald tweeted, "There's literally no worse appointment possible than choosing Mike Rogers for FBI Director, or for any government position. He's the single most devoted loyalist to the US Security State and all of its multi-faceted abuses. It doesn't get worse than Mike Rogers."
Wikileaks highlighted that Rogers, favored by Republican Sens. Susan Collins (Maine) and John Cornyn (Texas), not only pushed for the suppression of a Republican memo critical of the FBI's spying on the Trump campaign but was involved with the German Marshall Fund's Alliance for Securing Democracy initiative and its Hamilton 68 Dashboard. Wikileaks noted that the dashboard's "true purpose appeared to be casting suspicion on Trump supporters and reinforcing claims that his presidency was illegitimate."
McCabe — whom Trump fired in March 2018 after the Justice Department's inspector general concluded McCabe had authorized an information leak to a liberal reporter then lied about it — expressed horror Thursday at the prospect of Patel taking power.
"It's inconceivable to me that an outsider with no experience in the organization, no knowledge of the work and the scope of authority that’s involved there could perform adequately," he told CNN. "If you enter into that position with nothing more than a desire to disrupt and destroy the organization, there is a lot of damage someone like Kash Patel could do."
McCabe is hardly the only establishmentarian fearful of Patel taking over the bureau.
'I'd shut down the FBI Hoover building on Day One.'
Former FBI Special Agent Daniel Brunner told CNN's Jessica Dean on Sunday, "Putting someone like Kash Patel in the position of director of the FBI is, I believe, extremely, extremely dangerous."
"He has clearly stated that he wants to exact revenge upon those that have investigated President Trump and those who have investigated those that are around him. He will conduct a massive amount of damage to the interior of the FBI," added Brunner.
The leftist blog New Republic called Patel an "intellectual lightweight" and warned that "if Trump installs Patel at the FBI, it would certainly further Trump and his MAGA allies' goal of purging the federal workforce of disloyal employees."
Patel wrote in his book "Government Gangsters" that "government tyranny" within the FBI must be eliminated and called for the removal of anyone who "in any way abused their authority for political ends."
"The FBI has become so thoroughly compromised that it will remain a threat to the people unless drastic measures are taken," wrote Patel.
Patel recently told "The Shawn Ryan Show," "I'd shut down the FBI Hoover building on Day One and reopen it the next day as a museum of the deep state."
Blaze News previously reported that despite his characterization as inexperienced, Patel has served as chief of staff to former acting Secretary of Defense Christopher Miller; as deputy assistant to the president and senior director for counterterrorism at the National Security Council; principal deputy to the acting director of national intelligence; as national security adviser for the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence; as a terrorism prosecutor at the Department of Justice; as a public defender; and as a hockey coach.
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UFC’s Jon Jones presents Trump with championship belt following victory — MAGA rejoices, while libs give Trump a new name
Last weekend, UFC legend Jon “Bones” Jones defended his heavyweight title, defeating Stipe Miocic with a crushing kick to the ribs that tumbled the former heavyweight champion in the third round.
Following his victory, Jones shocked the audience by doing the iconic Donald dance while the president-elect watched in his usual front-row seat. Several allies, including Elon Musk, Tulsi Gabbard, Vivek Ramaswamy, RFK Jr., and House Speaker Mike Johnson accompanied Trump, adding to the spectacle.
But the hype was just getting started. Jones then presented his belt to Donald Trump, as UFC fans went ballistic with excitement before re-entering the Octagon for an equally shocking post-match interview with Joe Rogan.
“I want to acknowledge Jesus Christ. I tell you what, man — I cannot take credit for a gift like this, man. I really owe it all to him. And I know that there's millions of people around the world watching right now, and I just want to let you guys know that Jesus loves you so much,” Jones said.
“Blaze News Tonight” host Jill Savage and Blaze News editor in chief Matthew Peterson invite Steve Kim, BlazeTV contributor to "Fearless," on the show to discuss a most remarkable night.
Steve says that what Jones did in the Octagon on Saturday night is part of the new precedent that’s been set following Trump’s re-election: Athletes are “coming out of the closet.”
Steve repurposes this phrase to refer to how “athletes seem to be liberated in a lot of respects post November 5” regarding sharing “their own beliefs,” whether related to culture, religion, or politics.
Jones, in a matter of seconds, was candid about where he stood on at least two of those.
“He just hit the grand slam,” praises Steve. “It's amazing that MAGA is something that people are very proud to expose and to exhibit, and I think it's great to see.”
When it comes to Jones presenting Trump with his belt, Peterson says that “many people said, whether they praised it or whether they hated it, this looked like a gladiator in the arena going to the emperor.”
One reporter likened Trump to Julius Caesar following the event.
“This is sort of the conquering Republican Caesar who’s going into the Colosseum and everyone‘s cheering, and he‘s got his political gladiators with him," said CNN’s Marc Caputo, adding that Trump was “sending a message to the Senate.”
“Donald Trump has had the greatest personality arc in about a month. He went from Adolf Hitler to Julius Caesar,” laughs Steve.
To hear more of the conversation, watch the clip above.
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Americans Want To Stop Being Fat And Unhappy But Don’t Know How
A new book released on Tuesday explains how Americans became so Fat and Unhappy and what to do about it.Dog years: A decade as a MAGA exile in Los Angeles
Twelve years ago, my mother had a manic breakdown. She was found in Molokai, Hawaii, after disappearing for several days. The fugue state — in which she turned into a nightmare version of herself, eyes afire, flagellating her loved ones with a stream of deranged insults and delusions — lasted about six months until someone finally got her on lithium.
As she returned to herself, I pressured her to get a dog. She lived alone, so it would help her get a grip on reality. She said she liked whippets, so I found a local breeder. I wanted to name him Knut after Knut Hamsun, but she decided on Eliot after T.S.
I lost many jobs, many friends, many family members, all of whom called me problematic crazy fringe incel bigot weirdo resentful loser failure. But I just couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t not see the lie.
When the fugue began, I was finishing law school. When it ended, I’d taken the bar and moved to Los Angeles. I’d already experienced my parents’ terrible divorce as an only child at 17, but this year, 27, was the toughest and most isolating of my life. The safety net had ripped open, and I’d fallen through. Everything was most definitely not going to be okay.
After hitting the ground and dusting yourself off, making sure you aren’t dead, there is a sense of relief. “That happened.” There on the ground, you see the world as most people on earth do, all victims of abandonment or neglect or abuse or poverty or other societal failure, just not the upper middle-class American suburban milieu I’d been comfortably incubated within.
And when you hit the earth, you suddenly want to tell the truth. You don’t want to “win” any more. You want to help other people figure this thing out.
I was always edgy, but a good boy politically. In fact, I thought if myself as edgy for a good cause, that cause being “equality.” I’d dutifully campaigned for Obama, and my diverse group of friends had tearfully celebrated when he won in 2008.
But now it was 2012, and I worked for a gay Hollywood agent with six other young men, all of whom were gay. The time came to vote for Obama again, but this time, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It felt phony, a little numb spot where my righteousness had once curled.
What the hell did this guy know about anything? He certainly wasn’t talking to me. I told my co-workers this, and they were deeply offended. Didn’t I understand their rights were at stake? I already didn’t fit in, but this made it terminal. I was out within three months.
And thus began a decade of professional, personal, and familial torment as I slowly came out of the closet as a political bad boy, just as much to myself as to the world. I was, and still am, a liberal — it’s not possible to completely erase my deracinated bohemian upbringing. But it became increasingly clear to me that the good guys were in fact a mask covering a barely perceptible leviathan pulsing under the surface, rapidly reaching its tentacles across the earth.
As Eliot grew and my mother healed, I lost many jobs, many friends, many family members, all of whom called me problematic crazy fringe incel bigot weirdo resentful loser failure. But I just couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t not see the lie.
In L.A., I became a lone Trump supporter. I had zero MAGA friends, zero contacts to celebrate with when he won, maybe only one or two even in 2020 to lament the loss. On Tuesday, I celebrated with 100 friends, all culture kids and almost all recent converts who, like me, just couldn’t bring themselves to lie any more.
The thing we share in common? A breaking. Some loss, failure, death — the cozy cloak of a bourgeois upbringing ripped off, however fleetingly. All men used to be broken by war. Now far fewer are. But everyone in that room had gotten a glimpse. Tuesday: a decade of pain vindicated in a single night.
Wednesday morning after the all-nighter, I drove down to San Diego to put Eliot to sleep. He had a tennis ball-sized sarcoma dangling off his arm and typical whippet heart issues. It was time. Two guys came to the house and did it — it took 20 minutes. A decade transcended in a few quiet moments.
Mom is doing better now, but she still hates my politics.
This essay originally appeared on the Carousel.
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