Tonight, millions of Halloween revelers will crown themselves with red devil horns and grab plastic pitchforks.

Whether their devilish guises point to irreverence, mockery, or just fun, Glenn Beck knows there is a real devil, and his intentions are far more sinister and sneaky than any costume.

In this striking monologue, the Blaze Media co-founder echoes Paul Harvey’s famous radio essay “If I Were the Devil” and warns that the real threat isn’t dramatic — it’s subtle, constant, and has already deeply transformed society.

“If I were the devil, I’d want everybody laughing at me because a man who thinks the devil is a joke will never check his own house for one,” Glenn begins.

“If I were the devil, I wouldn’t burn a single book. Book burning just means martyrs. I would just make sure that nobody could ever sit still long enough to read a book. I’d put a glowing rectangle in everybody's hand.”

“I would teach it to know you better than your mother does — what you fear, what you want, what makes your jaw tighten. Then I would feed you that daily, all day, forever. And I’d do it for free,” he continues.

This inconspicuous conditioning, Glenn argues, would also have a profound spiritual impact.

“If I were the devil, I’d never ask you to hate God. That’s too direct. People would push back. I think I’d just keep you busy. I’d fill every single quiet minute — the car, the line at the store, the last 10 minutes before sleep — I’d fill it with noise,” he explains.

The devil’s quiet voice, he says, would then whisper warnings to each political camp.

“If I were the devil, I’d go to the right and I’d whisper, ‘They hate you. They want to destroy everything that you love. You can’t afford to wait. You can’t afford to play fair anymore. Don’t do it,’” Glenn says.

“And then I’d walk across the street, and I’d whisper exactly the same words to the left, word for word — ‘You can’t afford to play fair.’ And both sides would believe me.”

The church would become infected with these whispers as well.

“If I were the devil, I would take the church, and I’d split it right down the middle. Half of it I’d turn into a political rally so the cross becomes a campaign sign, kind of like the flag has. The other half I’d turn into a coffee shop with a band where nothing is ever a sin and nobody ever needs to change,” Glenn continues.

“I’d have one side all conviction and no grace and the other all grace and no conviction. Because either one would work for me if I were the devil.”

To the youth, he would corrupt not with temptation but with “despair.”

“I’d tell the young men that they were dangerous and useless at the same time. I would tell young women that a husband is a risk and a child is a mistake. It’s a career setback,” he notes.

“I’d make marriage a punchline, parenthood a lifestyle choice, kind of like buying a boat. And then I would just stand back, and I would watch the loneliest generation in American history call its loneliness freedom.”

To twist the knife, he would then attack their sense of worth.

“I would replace friends with followers, confession with posting, repentance with rebranding. If I were the devil, I would teach you that your worth is a number at the bottom of a photo, and I would make sure that that number was never quite high enough,” Glenn adds.

Easing the pain would look like sports betting or AI “companions.”

“I’d put a casino in your pocket. I’d call it sports. I’d make it legal. I’d make it fun. I’d put it in a commercial during every time-out and make sure that the kid who lost his rent money at 2 a.m. feels too ashamed to actually tell anyone,” he continues.

“I could give every lonely person in the world a voice that always agrees with them ... a companion that never says no, never gets tired of you, never asks you to be better. Why would anyone do the hard work of loving a real person when a fake one is so much easier?”

Next, he would undermine the idea of truth — and ultimately the necessity of Jesus.

“I would teach you that the truth is whatever you feel — your truth, my truth. It sounds so kind. But if everyone is right, then nobody is wrong. If nobody is wrong, nobody needs to be forgiven. If nobody needs to be forgiven, nobody needs a savior,” Glenn insists, adding that for the devil, this would “do more of my work than a thousand horror movies.”

At the same time, though, he would sow fear, outrage, and hopelessness into the very fabric of society.

“I would make outrage profitable and gratitude boring. I’d make fear the most reliable product in America. ... I would tell you that the end is coming. ... I would tell you it's all rigged and nothing you do will make a difference,” Glenn explains, “because a man who believes nothing ... he will ever do will ever matter, he’ll eventually stop doing anything at all — not evil, just nothing. And nothing is all I ever really needed.”

And then he would pull out his “oldest trick.”

“I’d whisper one more thing to each and everyone privately. ‘Shhh … you know, you’re the only one that feels this way. Don’t tell anyone. They won’t understand, but I do,’” warns Glenn ominously.

“Isolation is my oldest trick. The wolf never takes the sheep in the middle of the flock. He always takes the ones on the edges, the ones that are alone. That’s the plan.”

“Look around,” Glenn says. “It’s working.”

To hear more of his powerful monologue and what the devil himself is really “afraid of,” watch the video above.

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