I'm a Home Defense Expert. Here's Why You Shouldn't Try To Rape Your Burglar.

I have been a certified home security expert for more than two decades. My experience spans the full spectrum of the industry. I've instructed homeowners in the art of deterring and subduing so-called intruders. I've also advised the historically marginalized community of uninvited short-term residents on how to neutralize these strategies. For a variety of reasons—live-action security audits, adult recreation activities, insurance fraud, and others—I am often hired to break into people's homes.

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Fallen Hero: CBS Fires Scott Pelley After Decorated Career 'In Combat'

CBS News fired a senior employee on Tuesday for violating the sacred journalistic principles of "trust and mutual respect." Scott Pelley, 68, got the axe after a preening confrontation with 60 Minutes executive producer Nick Bilton in which Pelley disparaged his supervisor with "remarkable incivility and contempt."

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Sorry, Haters: James Talarico Not Gay, Analysis Finds

Republicans are seizing and pouncing on James Talarico, the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate in Texas, because—let's be honest—they're threatened by his modern brand of masculinity.

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No one believes this one-of-one Helen Keller item just sold for thousands of dollars



Many readers are convinced that a piece of Helen Keller memorabilia could not possibly be real.

Keller, noted as being a deaf and blind humanitarian, educator, and writer who wrote 12 books, has been swept up by the latest craze of memorabilia resale.

'What a time to be alive.'

In fact, the genre is nearly unheard of, as it exists as a hybrid of two separate collector's items: trading cards and historical signatures.

That's right, Keller's signature was just auctioned off as a trading card — and it is authentic.

Rookie season

The Topps official "Helen Keller Cut Signatures 1/1" card was sold in a live auction on eBay for $3,551. For those thinking the card may be fake or a concoction created by a savvy entrepreneur, Topps went ahead and shared the results on its social media pages, reporting that the card was "just sold" on Thursday.

RELATED: Sports memorabilia industry in chaos after seller admits massive scheme to fake signatures, then commits suicide

'What a time to be alive'

The reactions online were less than stellar, as not only did readers not believe it was real, but they couldn't fathom why anyone would pay for such a thing.

"Is it authentic," one reply asked. "Or is it just a joke card that got bid on fairly high?"

"I thought this card was satire. Good lord," another sad reader expressed.

"I had to check to see if this was a parody account," a sports page chimed in to say.

Other onlookers accepted the event had taken place, but couldn't resist pondering what it said about life in 2026.

"'I just spent $3,551 on an autographed Helen Keller rookie card' is a real sentence somebody said earlier today. What a time to be alive," wrote Mike Beauvais, creator of streaming platform Quibi.

RELATED: Fake Masters jackets, Beatles signatures, and a Kardashian photo named in fraudster's memorabilia scheme worth up to $550K

Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Team player

This isn't the only instance of Topps trading cards using American icons as a product line. Back in 2009, Topps released its American Heritage series that featured the likes of Abraham Lincoln, Frank Sinatra, and Martin Luther King Jr.

At the same time, it included two other iterations of Keller on trading cards. First, she was included under the American Heroes series that also showcased Thomas Edison. She was also included in the Presidential Medal of Freedom series that also featured Bill Cosby and Jackie Robinson.

For those looking to get their hands on graded Keller items, a card with her signature is currently listed for just under $2,200, while another seller is asking $500 or best offer for one of the 2009 Topps cards.

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UK Bans Cigarettes From Killing Citizens Because Migrants Are Already Doing It So Well

The UK is banning tobacco products for young people, in a major power-sharing agreement struck between government euthanizers and migrant knife attackers.

Exclusive New Details About Trump’s Presidential Library

We got our first glimpse this week of the plans for Donald Trump's presidential library in Miami. It's going to be a massive tower on prime waterfront real estate. It looks pretty cool and American—unlike former president Barack Obama's concrete monstrosity, which looks like a Soviet-era alien temple.

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What Did He Know? Dr Jill Biden’s Secret Service Escort Suffers ‘Accidental’ Gunshot Wound

A Secret Service agent escorting Dr. Jill Biden, former acting president of the United States, reportedly "shot himself" in the leg Friday morning at the Philadelphia airport. The incident raises some serious questions about what the agent—who was taken to the hospital in stable condition—might have known about the Biden family and their myriad controversies.

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EXCLUSIVE: We Obtained the Syllabus for Claudine Gay’s New Harvard Course on Higher Education

Harvard students will soon be able to take a class about the meaning of Harvard, which is very Harvard—even more so because the new course will be taught by Claudine Gay, the former university president who resigned in disgrace amid plagiarism accusations and criticism of her response to anti-Semitism on campus.

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Supremely Progressive: Iran Becomes First Nation in World History Led by Gay Amputee

Credit where credit is due: Iran appears to have scored a remarkable victory for inclusive representation on the global stage. The U.S. intelligence community recently assessed that Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei, son of the dearly departed Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, is "probably gay," the New York Post revealed on Monday. The news comes amid reports that "one or two" of the younger Khamenei's legs were amputated after he suffered severe injuries last month in the U.S.-Israeli airstrike that killed his father.

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Democrats Condemn Islamophobia After 'ISIS-Inspired' Nuts Hurl Homemade Bombs in NYC

Less than 24 hours after Zohran Mamdani defended his wife for expressing solidarity with Hamas, two maniacs tried to detonate homemade bombs outside the mayor's residence in what police are calling an act of "ISIS-inspired terrorism." The bombs did not go off, but were deemed to be "highly volatile" and intended to inflict maximum carnage.

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