Woman who allows her boyfriend to sleep around complains he's choosing only white women: 'Sexual racism'



An anonymous woman complaining that her boyfriend — with whom she shares an open relationship — is exclusively sleeping with white women outside their relationship is concerned that her boyfriend could be a secret racist.

What are the details?

In an impassioned note to "How to Do It," Slate's sex advice column, the woman – "Keeping Count" — revealed that she and her long-term boyfriend decided to open up their relationship three years ago in order to boost their sex life.

The woman — whose racial identity is unknown at the time of this reporting — complained that her unnamed boyfriend apparently has a penchant for white women.

She wrote, "A little over three years ago, my longtime boyfriend and I decided to open our relationship. We’re honest and upfront with the other partners each of us bring home, and our own sex has been better than ever because of it. I trust that my boyfriend does not have any other women he’s slept with without telling me about them."

In three years, however, there have been five women — which isn't even the problem, according to the woman. The problem is that her boyfriend appears to be intentional about selecting white women.

"The problem is that in this timeframe, he’s been with five women, all of them white," Keeping Count complained. "We do not live in some white-only community, and the odds of him selecting five women at random and getting five white girls is tiny. I talked to him about this, and he started getting very defensive and saying 'he liked the girls he liked.' I don’t know how to deal with this. There definitely seems to be at least subliminal racism in his choices. What should I do?"

The column's authors — Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak — responded, pointing that a difficult conversation should be held to preserve the integrity of the relationship.

"I think you should have another conversation about this (possibly multiple conversations) as calmly as possible," the authors responded, advising the woman to broach the topic of "sexual racism."

The authors continued, "Your boyfriend’s defensiveness is not necessarily related to your approach, but it could be — people tend to get defensive when they feel accused or shamed. If you have accused or shamed him, try a different tack. Maybe push things in a broader, more philosophical direction: What does your boyfriend think of the notion of sexual racism, anyway? Does he see it as a problem?"

"I think it’s important to keep in mind that while your suspicion is justified given your area’s demographic makeup, it is possible that this is just how things shook out, so you should give him the benefit of the doubt, at least initially," the response cautioned.

If not, the authors responded, "Keeping Count" might be well served planning an "exit strategy" away from the boyfriend — who apparently has a detrimental streak of having "discriminating taste in bed."

"You may very well get to the point where he admits he’s only interested in white women. Then what? If you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone with such discriminating taste in bed, well, you’ll know it’s time to plan your exit strategy. The fundamental importance of consent means that no one has to have sex with anyone that they don’t want to, but it also means that you don’t have to stay with someone who only wants to have sex with white women."

Woman makes headlines after announcing that her husband refuses to unmask — even for sexual relations



A lonely woman says that her husband of more than five years refuses to take off his mask — ever ... even during sex — though the two are monogamous and are both fully vaccinated.

The woman, who refers to herself as "Maskless and Alone," wrote into Slate's "Dear Prudence" and detailed her husband's extreme fear and paranoia surrounding surrendering his mask.

Earlier this month, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced that it was safe for fully vaccinated Americans to ditch the masks even while in the majority of public settings.

'He wears it to sleep,' for 'bathroom activities,' and 'even during lovemaking'

Maskless and Alone wrote, "I have been married to a great guy for five and a half years. He is handsome, sexy, funny, and kind. It's true that he has always been a little 'prissy' about illnesses, but I never thought it was a real problem."

The woman said that during the pandemic, her husband's fears hit a fevered pitch and since COVID-19's emergence in the U.S., he has flat-out refused to take off his face mask — even when the two are home alone.

"He wears it to sleep, to do most of his bathroom activities, and, yes, even during lovemaking," she complained. "To eat, he pulls it up to expose his mouth, and then quickly pulls it back down between bites. While he does not insist that I do the same, I can tell it bothers him that I don't — especially because I have now started going maskless outside, per the CDC guidelines, and plan on restaurant dining inside soon for a girls' night out."

The woman says that she's attempted to reason with her husband, but he balks every time, saying, "Scientists don't fully understand the virus yet," and more, "What's the harm?"

According to the woman, there's a whole lot of harm being done.

"I want to see my beautiful husband's face again," she wrote. "I want to kiss him on the lips romantically, like we used to, and not through a piece of fabric."

The woman said that her husband doesn't often change his mask and it has become "smelly and soiled."

"This is making me depressed and concerned about our future together," she admitted. "I have asked him when he plans to stop masking, and all he says is 'When it is safe for everyone.' What if this becomes a permanent part of him? My mother, who is very conservative, thinks that I should move out. But I don't think I'm ready for that step yet. What I want is my husband back."

'Certainly not offering him any real protection against disease'

In a lengthy response, Slate's own Dear Prudence pointed out what appears to be the man's deteriorating mental condition and called his behavior "alarming."

"'What's the harm?' is such an insidious phrase," Prudence wrote. "It's not a question; it's a statement of 'leave me alone.' But there is lots of harm in leaving him alone — harm to his mental health, to yours, and to your relationship."

Prudence recommended that the two sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk over his decision to continue wearing masks nearly 100% of the time.

"Tell him all about the harm here: His behavior is alienating you and is certainly not offering him any real protection against disease," Prudence advised. "Give him three options. First, he can make an appointment with his physician to talk about effective protective measures. If he does this, he has to commit to following the doctor's recommendations, and you have to be present so he can't lie to you about what happens there. Hopefully, his doctor will say he has to do option No. 2: start seeing a therapist. If he chooses this, he has to commit to at least six sessions (or some other number that feels right to you)."

Prudence said that the third option is considering leaving him.

"Finally, he can decide — because it would be his decision if he doesn't take another action — to call an end to the relationship," Prudence advised. "I know you want your husband back, but he isn't that husband right now, and he needs to understand just how serious this is. To be clear, you have to mean it when you say that the relationship has to end if he doesn't make progress, but I think that would be the right move."

Anything else to know?

In June, a study from Harvard University found that people engaging in sexual relations ought to consider wearing face masks for the purpose of preventing COVID-19 transmission.

According to the study, the riskiest sexual scenario at the time was sex with people other than those with whom a person is quarantined.

Other high-risk behaviors, the report found, included having sex with someone outside your household, and even sometimes sex with someone inside your household, depending on who they may have previously interfaced.

The best option, according to researchers, was abstinence since it was the lowest risk for infection.

The study's authors wrote: "SARS-CoV-2 is present in respiratory secretions and spreads through aerosolized particles. It may remain stable on surfaces for days. On the basis of this information, all types of in-person sexual activity probably carry risk for SARS-CoV-2 transmission. Infected individuals have the potential to spread respiratory secretions onto their skin and personal objects, from which the virus can be transmitted to a sexual partner. Because many SARS-CoV-2–infected people are asymptomatic, HCPs are left with little to offer beyond guidance to not engage in any in-person sexual activity."

'Non-religious' woman makes headlines after freaking out over her son’s religious 7-year-old friend — who won’t stop preaching Jesus’ love



An anonymous woman has made headlines for writing into Slate's Dear Prudence for advice, asking how she should deal with a child who insists on preaching Jesus' love to her 7-year-old son.

What are the details?

The woman, whose message is signed, "Don't Preach to My Kid, Kid," explains that she and her husband — who are both "non-religious" and who have decided to raise their children without religion — don't appreciate that one of their son's friends — who is Mormon — continues to be vocal about the faith his parents passed down to him.

The woman wrote, "My problem is this kid is REALLY pushy with his religion. Pretty much every time they spend time together this kid is trying to teach mine about a Bible story or giving him religious presents or talking about how Jesus loves him."

"We have talked to our son about how people believe different things that we don't, but lately he has been asking questions about the Bible, or why we don't go to church more often," the woman complained. "To be clear, I don't blame my son's friend. I know Mormons typically teach their kids to proselytize to others, and the boy isn't really old enough to know better."

The woman, who clearly doesn't appear to understand the concept of God's love and forgiveness, said that she does not want her son to "learn these things" and appeared to suggest that children are manipulated into doing the "right thing" out of fear of God's punishment.

"But I don't really want my son to learn these things," she added. "I don't want him to be religious, honestly. I want him to learn that you should be a good person and do the right thing because it's the right thing to do, not because God will punish you if you don't."

The woman said that she reached out to the child's parents, who apparently brushed off her concerns.

"I don't want to stop him from spending time with this friend, but I don't really want my son to get some of these religious ideas in his head so young," she continued. "I have considered talking to this kid about it, but I am concerned that that would be inappropriate since I'm not his parent, and therefore shouldn't really be interfering with his religious upbringing."

The response?

Slate's "Prudence" — transgender author Daniel Lavery, who grew up in an evangelical Christian family — responded, "I'm completely on your side here. There's nothing wrong with your son learning about other religions, but I wouldn't be happy with anyone — kid or not — trying to make my children follow a certain religion."

Lavery added that the woman has "every right" to address her concerns with her 7-year-old son's friend.

"If his friend said, 'You should run across this busy street with me. It would be fun,' would you think, 'I don't know ... it's not my place to intervene because I'm not his parent?' No, you would step in immediately. The same rule applies in any instance that relates to what's best for your child."

Lavery continued, "I think it's fine to tell the kid that you don't want to hear any talk about salvation, Jesus, the Bible, or anything else while he's playing with your son, and that if it continues, then playtime is over."

Lavery also said that the woman should "coach" her child to shut down any Christian talk if necessary.

"If his friend won't stop talking about religion, then you need to show how serious you are by ending the playdate right then and there," Lavery continued. "If it comes to that, then I would reach out to his parents to explain how you don't feel comfortable with your son taking part in those conversations at his age. They may get offended, but if they're reasonable, they should fall in line."

Lavery's advice concluded, "The bottom line is everyone has a right to believe what they want to believe, but that doesn't mean they have to push those beliefs on your family."